Consider the pros and cons for your specific situation and needs. LaCroix says she would urge the adult child to think about what they hope to achieve with a difficult conversation. “If you’re hoping for some relief or recognition from parents, I would say in my experience that usually doesn’t happen,” she said.

She added that parents may react defensively and reject their children’s truth. “It can be very difficult to realize that we have hurt someone we care about.”

Explore the source of your guilt, implying that you are behaving badly.

“Is having a boundary there to protect yourself, or to protect the life you created as a result of the elder’s abuse, a bad thing? » said Brown. “Often, a survivor would receive the implicit message that their existence was for the use of their parent, period. That they simply existed to meet a parent’s needs, whether sexual, emotional, etc. When we step back, we realize how wrong this message is.”

Remember that whatever you decide, it is your choice to make. And you have the right to change your mind. Recognize the agency you have.

“You may not have had a choice when you were a child. You weren’t taken care of, you weren’t safe,” LaCroix said. “But now it is and you have the power to make these decisions. Knowing that it can heal.