Believe it or not, many people come to therapy to get advice in a meeting. Especially when relationships are in their early stages, people may seek advice from a therapist if they are unsure about a potential partner or dating. After an initial appointment, they can ask their therapist things like:

• “I felt a little uncomfortable with how much they were willing to share with me and how much they expected me to share with them. Is this weird or am I overthinking this?
• “I was a little discouraged by their insistence that I go home with them. Is this a valid way for me to feel, or are they really, really interested in me? »
• “I honestly couldn’t tell where we were after the date was over. I thought it went well, but I don’t know if they felt the same way.

First dates can be insecure; we get nervous and desperately want to make a good impression. But in doing so, we risk overlooking some serious warning signs, perhaps out of fear of delaying them, or even simply in the hope that the relationship can endure. However, if your date displays any of the following three behaviors, it’s safe to say that a second date may not be worth it.

Red Flag #1: They Overshare and They Expect the Same From You

Imagine that the meeting starts normally; you throw out questions and statements in hopes of knowing them. However, after a while the conversation takes a turn and your attempts at friendly, introspective small talk have been sidetracked.

Suddenly, they turn the conversation to uncomfortable topics you’d never expect to bring up on a first date, like their “crazy” exes, their sexual histories, or even their past trauma. And then they look at you impatiently, waiting to hear similar stories. Or, even worse, they think it’s your “turn” and start pestering you with very personal questions.

If you have ever felt uncomfortable in such situations, or imagine that you would, you have every right to feel that way. Oversharingaccording to a 2015 study study of the International Encyclopedia of Social and Behavioral Sciencesreflects a major and crucial problem: the absence of boundaries between private and public life.

Proximity is something that is earned over time; Once two people feel happy and comfortable enough in each other’s presence, conversations can naturally turn to their past and their deepest thoughts. However, expecting unconditional honesty and closeness on a first date raises several red flags — and so does expecting it to be reciprocated. Ignoring small talk in favor of the “deep stuff” may seem like a confident move, but at best it reflects a lack of boundaries. And, at worst, it could also indicate a lack of respect for yours.

Red Flag #2: They Fire You If You Don’t Give Them What They Want

Imagine that the date is coming to an end. You’ve had a lovely time, but you’re a little tired – or a little drunk – and ready to retreat to the comfort of your own space, process the evening’s events, and get some sleep. However, as you try to say goodbye, your partner starts insisting on “Just one more drink” or suggesting things like “Why don’t we continue?” You could come back to my place. Despite your several polite “No, thank you,” they persist. Eventually, they become frustrated and retort, “I bought you dinner, and this is the thank you I get? or “Whatever, I see how it is.”

Again, feeling uncomfortable in such a situation is not only natural, but justified. “Negotiation can quickly turn into manipulation when people don’t understand how to communicate in a healthy way,” says Taylor Consulting Group. They continue: “This is especially true if people have never learned that they will not always get what they want. People who have not reached emotional and intellectual maturity often don’t know how to handle disappointment, which can lead them to pressure others to get what they want.

At best, someone who behaves this way on a first date is displaying transactional behavior; they don’t really value you as a person, they value what you can offer them in exchange for their time and money. And, at worst, the inability to take no for an answer could be a sign of something much more serious: narcissism. As the Taylor Counseling Group explains, “Narcissists can easily become upset by criticism and often lack feelings of empathy. They continue: “Afraid of being disappointed or missing an opportunity to feel appreciated, a narcissist may pressure you to make decisions or pursue actions that satisfy his or her desires. »

Red Flag #3: You Can’t Tell If They Really Cared About the Date or About You

Imagine you’re halfway through the date and you’re doing your best to spark conversation and get to know the person across the table. You ask thoughtful questions – adding little stories here and there – but their reactions are lukewarm at best. Maybe they respond to every question with a half-hearted “Oh, nice” or a non-committal “That’s cool.” Or, even worse, you notice their eyes wandering around the room or looking at their phone every now and then. At the end of the evening, despite your attempts, you wonder if they actually enjoyed the date or even cared about being there.

Feeling uncomfortable or insecure in such situations is completely natural – and it’s a valid reaction. A 2022 study Since Personal relationships notes how perceived responsiveness is crucial in relationships, describing it as the “foundation of intimacy.”

For a potential relationship to flourish, both people need to feel seen and valued, and that starts with signals that show interest and care. When your partner responds nonchalantly, it can feel like a personal rejection. Even if they don’t actually intend to and truly care, without signals that they care about what you’re sharing, it’s impossible to determine if they actually like you. You’ll just wonder if you’re on the same page.

In most cases, simple lightness hints at emotional unavailability: a sign that they are unwilling or unable to connect on a deeper level. If their indifference makes you wonder if they care about your safe return home — or if they’ll even think about you afterward — they’re probably not invested.

The first steps in determining whether a relationship is possible with someone usually require, at the very least, a basic sense of reciprocity and effort. If they can’t offer this on a first date, take it as a sign that they won’t be able to do it later. After all, the foundation of a healthy relationship is laid from the start and if responsiveness is lacking from the start, walking away might be the best option.

Is the fear of being single causing you to turn a blind eye to warning signs? Take this scientific test to find out: Fear of being one-size-fits-all