It took a year to Hannah’s attacker* will start to show his true colors – when he started telling her to lose weight and forbidding her to cut her hair or dye it particular shades.

But at the beginning of the relationship, she thought everything was perfect. His partner had bombarded with love she told him she was the woman of his dreams and called her an extraordinary mother.

“He would make you feel really safe and wish you were the one,” Hannah says. The Independent. “He said, ‘I look at other women and I wouldn’t change a thing about you, you’re perfect.'”

However, as the relationship progressed, he became increasingly possessive and controllingisolating him from his family and taking his money.

“If he thought I shouldn’t have this money or that I wasn’t doing what he wanted, he would transfer it,” Hannah says. “He would use the same system used by loan sharks, where I would borrow £100 and then owe him £200.”

Be a brick, buy a brick and donate here or text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15

It comes like The Independent continues its Brick by Brick campaignin partnership with Refuge, the leading domestic violence charity, to raise funds to build two shelters for women fleeing a violent partner. The initial target of £300,000 was recently reached thanks to generous reader donations, with over £500,000 in donations flowing in so far and plans are already underway for the construction of a second home.

“He carefully hid my bruises”

Hannah says her abuser physically attacked her once or twice a week for most of their decade-long relationship – hitting and slapping her, throwing objects at her, ordering the dog to attack her and even hitting her. while she was pregnant.

But he would carefully make sure the bruises were in places on his body where no one could see them, she said.

Her abuse worsened during the lockdown measures put in place during the pandemic, and that’s when she managed to run away from him.

“I crossed Covid“I spent a lot of time with him,” she said. “The abuse got worse. I knew I was dead inside – there was nothing there. I woke up one day and I thought: I don’t want to be with you anymore. You have to leave.

But he refused to leave the house, only agreeing to leave after she paid him a substantial amount of money.

Hannah

It was after Hannah left her abuser that things went from bad to worse – with him repeatedly raping court orders preventing him from contacting her.

“He tried to kidnap our daughter”

She remembers one time he bombarded her with dozens of calls and messages after she briefly left her phone at home when she went out.

After returning, he showed up unannounced at her house and attempted to kidnap their young daughter. He attacked her when she tried to intervene, she adds.

“She was in my arms and he was hitting me,” Hannah remembers.

She claims her ex-partner was arrested the same day and was later found guilty of assault and battery, common assault for the attack, and given a suspended sentence.

After the relationship ended, he admitted to her that he had taken videos after secretly doping his drinking with drugs when they were still together, she explains.

“I thought he was saying something mean and vindictive, never in a million years did I think that was true,” she adds.

But Hannah claims her ex-partner then showed one of the videos to a social worker – who had become involved due to her attacker’s arrest – in an attempt to portray her as having mental health problems. The social worker then showed Hannah the images.

Describing the video, Hannah adds: “I couldn’t speak. My eyes rolled back in my head when I tried to speak – it was like I was speaking a foreign language.

Hannah asked the social worker to send the video to the police, but she deleted it, saying the footage could not be included in the case because it was not domestic violence. Hannah says the images made her feel like her body no longer belonged to her, calling it “degrading” and a “violation”.

“Basically, he said he did sexual things to me and I have no idea what happened to me,” she adds.

His abuse of her after the separation led him to regularly show up at her house unannounced, and she also suspects he is behind the drones she heard flying near her house when she was unresponsive. to his calls.

After fleeing from him, she also discovered that a tracker was installed on her car when she sold the vehicle. He always arrived at the same places as her, she said, but he thought at the time it was a strange coincidence.

Hannah added: “Despite all the orders I had to give him to stop him from contacting me, he wouldn’t stop. I still live in fear and look over my shoulder every day. »

She may have found the strength to end her relationship, but she says domestic violence charities offer women a chance to escape and start a new life, when they previously felt trapped with their attacker.

“I think Refuge is a savior for survivors of domestic violence. Without them, more victims would remain and many of them would be killed,” she concludes.

Please donate now to the Brick by Brick campaign, launched by The Independent and the charity Refuge, to help raise a further £300,000 to build a second safe space for women where they can escape domestic violence, rebuild their lives and build a new future. Text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15.

*Hannah’s name has been changed to protect her identity