• Lindsay Roselle transformed her view of motherhood after an ayahuasca retreat in the Amazon.
• Before retirement, she believed that motherhood required suffering and career sacrifice.
• After retirement, she continued microdosing and updated her work routine to include more of her children.

This essay as told is based on a conversation with Lindsay Rosellea 42-year-old entrepreneur and mother from Colorado who attended an ayahuasca retreat and began microdosing psilocybin. It has been edited for length and clarity. There is no medical consensus on the benefits of these medicinal plants. medications may carry risks.

In 2019, I was preparing for my second baby and I remember having a conversation with a group of women. I said having one baby was okay because I could take them with me, but having two kids meant I had two options: be a stay at home mom or find a full-time nanny so you can continue working.

We all laughed about it, but five years later I remember that moment and it hurts. I really felt like those were my only options. I had a deep-rooted unconscious belief that motherhood was about suffering and sacrifice.

Then, in 2022, I flew to a remote region of the Amazon for a three-day stay. ayahuasca retreatwhere I ingested a herbal psychedelic used for medicinal, spiritual and ceremonial purposes.

When I returned, my family life and my ideas about motherhood completely changed.

My mother contributed to my negative idea of ​​motherhood

Give up my entrepreneurial career was never an option for me. In 2019, I was the breadwinner for my family, running two brick-and-mortar businesses while my partner worked from home. We hired a nanny to care for our newborn and 2 year old. I thought it was great because I could work like I did before I had kids.

I never even thought about the impact this decision would have on my children.

My youngest son stayed up at night until he was almost two because he knew that was the only time he would have my full attention.

I was repeating the behavior that had been modeled to me. My mother worked 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day and was disconnected from my sister and me. She did what was expected of her from her Catholic upbringing by marrying young, having children, and working hard, but I never got the impression that she enjoyed motherhood. This contributed to my deeply held beliefs on this subject.

The pandemic closed my businesses and I lost focus until I joined a mastermind

When the pandemic hit, my businesses closedbut I covered the bills by doing online consultations. I spent the rest of the year cocooned at home with my children in the middle of a crisis.

In 2021, a friend recommended a brain for successful women who feel stuck and want to develop their creativity. This mastermind was a one-year program consisting of three plant medicine experiments and a self-selected creative project.

I was afraid of what might happen in an altered state of consciousness and worried about leaving my children, but after speaking on the phone and building trust with the leadership, I felt this was the good choice.

The mastermind, a multi-five-figure investment that my consulting work allowed me to finance, began in 2022 with nine other women. Each month, we had a three-hour virtual 1:1 with executives to review creative projects and prepare for plant medicine experiments. The first would be the largest: a three-day ayahuasca ceremony held over a two-week period. trip to the Amazon.

I flew to the Amazon for the ayahuasca ceremony

My children stayed home with their father and I took a flight to Peru, a connection to Iquitos and a boat. several hours in the Amazon. It was uncomfortable being in such a wild and vast landscape, but I felt safe and exhilarated.

In case of emergency, we were told that the village elder could take a boat down the river to get a signal in another village. Over the next three nights, shamans from the region gave us three ayahuasca experiences.

The first evening we sipped our ayahuasca tea in a pitch-black room, listening to the sounds of the Amazon and shamans saying their blessings. As I slowly fell into this experience, I felt a dark energy that I now believe was from my late grandmother. It forced me to confront my belief that motherhood is about suffering and sacrifice.

Even though the psychedelic experience felt existentially threatening at the time, I needed it to rid myself of that belief.

I took a lighter dose the second night and felt like a silhouette of my mother was greeting me from a castle window. I felt this indescribable forgiveness towards her and released the resentment I had built towards her for not being present or affectionate.

By the third night, I had released the darkness from within me. We spent the next week and a half exploring Sacred Valleyreflecting on our experience and discussing how to integrate it into our lives.

I integrated my learning by approaching work in a new way

When I got home, I thought about what I wanted and decided to continue work from home spend more time with my children.

My kids have a part-time nanny, but I want to stay home to watch them grow up and comfort them, hug them, and kiss them. It also doesn’t mean that my kids get me entirely. They must respect my boundaries. I want them see their mother work.

I have attended two other plant medicine retreats and now microdose psilocybin regularlyit has helped me immensely with my ADHD and overall well-being.

I have a new respect for mothers and motherhood

I used to have rigid ideas about what it meant to be a successful mother, but now I feel the deepest respect for every mother, knowing that they are doing their best to fight for their children’s survival.

I’ve been able to give myself that same grace, and it’s liberating to not let work define my identity, my success, and my worth. I want to let the world know that I am a businesswoman and motherand my success lies in the journey of navigating a harmonious relationship between the two.

If you’re having a unique experience balancing parenthood with your high-paying career and would like to share your story, email Tess Martinelli at [email protected].