Pollocksville, JONES COUNTY — For Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the Coastal Center for Hope and Healing, formerly known as Coastal Women’s Shelter, hosted a candlelight vigil at the Filling Center on Thursday to honor those affected by domestic violence.

The nonprofit organization located on Trent Road in New Bern has been helping victims escape abusive situations by providing resources for nearly 40 years.

The Filling Center on Main Street in Pollocksville is an organization that helps meet nutritional and educational needs.

More than a dozen people were present at the vigil, listening to survivors’ stories and lighting candles to show their commitment to ending domestic violence. Coastal Center for Hope and Healing Executive Director Amanda Delgado said the name was changed because she wanted people to know they were helping everyone, not just women.

According to the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCCADV), one in three women and one in four men in the United States have experienced some form of domestic violence.

The NCCADV stated that domestic violence is a pattern of intentional violent or controlling behavior used by an intimate partner to gain power and control. Some of the most common behaviors include physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, and financial abuse and violence. Abuse can occur during and after the relationship with varying frequency.

Speakers at the vigil made it clear that for those who have experienced it, domestic violence is not just a statistic. Melinda Yawn said she was a victim of extreme abuse in February 2024.

“Mentally, I break down almost every other day,” Melinda said.

She explained that she had been subjected to stalking, harassment and physical violence at the hands of her attacker. “He gave me a five-inch laceration to my neck. I didn’t know if I was going to make it,” she said. His children saw this happen. “My safety was violated and my children’s safety was violated. Every time we go to a court date he says ‘I love you’.”

Executive director Amanda said she fights against the stigma surrounding abuse. “It’s not their fault. We can’t control other people’s behavior, but we don’t deserve to be mistreated,” she said.

The nonprofit’s victims’ advocate, Skylar Crawford, said she regularly combats misconceptions, with many people saying, “Well, why didn’t you just leave… . and ‘you’re 6’2 and she’s 5’3, she’s not overdoing it.” You.”

Amanda points to extreme jealousy and controlling behavior as warning signs of a potential abuser. She says warning signs for potential victims of abuse are if their behavior changes and if they become more withdrawn.

NCCADV said those most at risk of domestic violence are women, people from low-income communities and children who witness it.

Skylar said she witnessed the violence between her mother and another man.

“Very, very physical, she got beaten almost every day,” she described.

Then, when Skylar was eight, everything changed.

“He actually tried to kill me, so she had to kill him,” she said. His mother served 90 days in prison. Although she says the courts sided with her mother, she believes there should be better laws to protect victims.

Amanda said the nonprofit can provide legal support. Additionally, she stressed the importance of documenting everything, communicating your limitations, and having the support of an agency. “The burden shouldn’t be on us, but when you’re going through the court system, having everything in place as much as possible really makes all the difference,” Amanda said.

Amanda also added that the first thing any victim should do is contact their local support agency so they can help them develop a safe plan to exit the abusive situation. Amanda pointed out that a victim leaving a situation can be the most dangerous part.