Friendsgiving is the perfect opportunity to celebrate friendship, make Ina Garten’s mashed potato recipeand learn how to cook a turkey without causing a fire in the kitchen. But unlike Thanksgiving, perhaps also known as the time when you can drink wine while your parents take care of virtually everything the holiday entails, Friendsgiving demands a lot more from you.

Even if you’re not the host, there’s a lot you can do to get invited to Friendsgiving. And if you’ve never learned the proper etiquette necessary for your role as a Friendsgiving guest, now’s your chance to do so.

From cleaning etiquette to knowing who should take what remainshere’s everything you need to know to not be an asshole at Friendsgiving this year. Trust me, the last thing you want is to be the topic of discussion in the group discussion the day after.

Experts featured in this article

Olivia Pollock is an expert in etiquette and accommodation for Avoida digital platform that allows users to send invitations online.

Thomas P. Farleyalso known as Mister Manners, is an etiquette expert and keynote speaker.

Tips on party etiquette with friends

RSVP quickly

As a host, there’s nothing worse than not knowing how many people to host for Friendsgiving. For this reason, hosting expert Olivia Pollock recommends responding to a Friendsgiving invitation as soon as possible. “This helps your host plan the menu and shop accordingly,” she says.

Coordinate the menu

Whether your host plans to cover the turkey or a few Thanksgiving staples, it’s always a good idea to create a sign-up sheet where guests can indicate what dish they would like to bring. This ensures you don’t end up with five sides of mashed potatoes, says Pollock. With the host’s approval, feel free to write this registration sheet yourself so that you and any other guests can know what to bring.

Be aware of allergies

When signing up for dishes, be aware of guests’ allergies, says etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley. Of course, you don’t have to adapt the entire menu due to a person’s dietary restrictions, but making small changes to a dish can go a long way. (Make the green beans Really need bacon if your friend can’t eat pork?) Also, if you are a guest with allergies, be sure to bring enough dish that you can eat and share in case there is no other options available to you.

Don’t show up empty-handed

Even if the host chooses to host the entire Friendsgiving party, it’s still not a good idea to show up empty-handed. “If your host insists that you don’t have to bring anything, consider small gestures like breakfast items for the next morning or a celebratory candle. This shows you care and adds to the celebration,” says Pollock. You could also offer to play bartender for the evening by bringing the necessary ingredients to some pommetini or another fall cocktail staple.

. . . And don’t show up early either

“If you’re on time, you’re late” is a common saying that doesn’t apply to Friendsgivings. In fact, it may be better to be on time – or even a little late – than to arrive early at the event. Pollock recommends arriving on time or about 10 to 20 minutes after departure time. “This gives your host some time to finish any last-minute preparations while ensuring you don’t delay the meal,” she adds.

Bring everything you need for your dish

If the dish you’ve prepared requires a particular serving utensil, be sure to bring said utensil instead of waiting for your host to have one. And if your dish needs a few extra minutes in the oven before serving, be sure to let your host know in advance so they can make room. Basically, make sure your dish is ready by the time you walk into your Friendsgiving — and if it’s not, plan accordingly with the host.

Be aware of how much food you serve yourself

Whether you distribute plates around the table or serve yourself buffet style, be aware of how much food you take before everyone has had a chance to help themselves. If a friend has only prepared a small dish of stuffing, opt for a single scoop instead of a double; if there is more stuffing after everyone has helped themselves, you can always have seconds.

Engage with others

Gifts between friends are the best because you normally don’t have to engage in awkward activities. banalities with people you don’t care about. (It’s Friendsgiving, after all.) But if you don’t know everyone at the table, be sure to introduce yourself and strike up a conversation. “Friendsgiving is a great opportunity to make new friends,” says Pollock.

Help with cleaning

You are not at the restaurant. “Always offer to help with cleaning by clearing plates, washing dishes, or tidying the space,” says Pollock. Now is not the time to sit on your phone and wait for other people to respond after you. The sooner everyone cleans up, the sooner you can all go back to drinking more appletinis.

Don’t jump for leftovers

“Don’t ask to take leftovers home, wait until the host asks if you’d like to take home anything in particular,” says Farley. To make things easier, Pollock even recommends bringing your own containers so the host doesn’t have to offer their own personal Tupperware. (If the host lends a container, however, be sure to clean it and return it as soon as possible.)

Express gratitude

The most important part of Thanksgiving and Friendsgiving is being grateful. “Be sure to toast the host and express your gratitude for having such a wonderful group of friends (old and new) to share a meal with,” says Farley. Whether you write a card or tell them verbally, always, always, always say thank you.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the editor-in-chief of PS, specializing in topics related to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Before joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.