Dear Eric: I have a friend who I haven’t spoken to since her small wedding two years ago. I thought we were pretty close friends for 25 years. We shared our ups and downs.

Before her wedding, she told me it would be a small ceremony with only about 30 friends and family members. It would be in a restaurant. They planned to pay for everyone and 30 was their limit. I was shocked and hurt when she told me there was no place for me. I always thought we were close.

I offered to pay for my own dinner, but she declined my offer and me. She later texted me photos of her ceremony as if to include me in this pathetic path. I didn’t respond to the photos and we haven’t spoken since.

I always thought she would contact me, but she never did. Ultimately, I feel like she showed me that she really doesn’t care about our friendship and doesn’t care that I was hurt. Am I wrong or is she wrong?

– Off the guest list

Dear Guest List: There is a saying that goes, “There are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth.” And no one lies.

It seems clear that you have different understandings of the depth of your friendship and the ways you can show the other how much they are appreciated. She might view your friendship as less close than you do, or she might think that by messaging you she was actually including you. And that is his truth.

But your truth is just as valid. You’ve been hurt, and part of friendship is listening when a friend says we’ve hurt them, and then making things right.

To conclude, I suggest reaching out to clarify things. You wanted her to respond to you in response to your hurt, but did you actually tell her you were hurt? Is it possible she was hurt because you didn’t respond to the photos? I’m not sure any of you are wrong here. However, a conversation is the only way to achieve shared truth and, hopefully, reconciliation.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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