Some relationships fall apart in a whirlwind of anger, arguments and emotions. In other cases, the changes are more subtle, with a gradual distance between partners until, suddenly, it becomes too vast to bridge.

Sometimes a person will feel this divide forming. Other times it appears out of nowhere and all they can do is watch the relationship crumble around them and wonder what they could have done differently. What are the subtle signs that a partner has definitely lost interest and is there anything that can be done to assess the situation? Here’s what you need to know.

Here are 7 subtle signs that your partner is permanently losing interest in you:

1. They no longer have time for you

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If you feel like your partner is avoiding you or always canceling plans for one reason or another, there may be cause for concern. Couples should want to spend time together and if they constantly lack quality time, This is a real warning sign..

Carrie KrawiecA licensed marriage and family therapist at the Birmingham Maple Clinic in Troy, Michigan, says couples should work to define what constitutes quality time for each other and make it a priority. “There is a side-to-side and face-to-face continuum and different people are satisfied to varying degrees,” she says. “People should become aware of their preferences, as well as those of their partner, and recognize that ‘quality time’ should encompass a bit of what satisfies each of you.” »

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2. Romance is out the window

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Even if you spend time with your partner, that doesn’t mean the spark hasn’t died down. Your partner could stop holding hands or being affectionatedon’t care about seducing you, prefer to let their looks go, and intimacy can be a distant, hazy memory. A lack of affection can lead to lower marital satisfaction, says 2009 studies.

All of these could be signs that your relationship is running out of steam. Krawiec says to focus less on big gestures and focus on the little things that will reignite passions.

“The gestures that keep the sparks alive are not summer vacations or lace lingerie,” she says. “Often, it’s millions of little moments. Little texts, gentle touches or revealing little likes and dislikes or fears, hopes and dreams can keep us electrified towards each other.

3. They don’t make you a priority

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You must come first in the relationship. Of course, there will always be times when children take priority, but the number one in any relationship should be each other.

If your partner is more interested in being with friends and indulging in other hobbies, then he is not taking the relationship seriously. To get to the bottom of the problem, Krawiec says it’s important to understand what drives the spouse to take on other activities.

Are they working too much because they hate being at home or because they are trying to provide for their family? And what shaped your own attitudes about your parents’ relationships?

“For example,” she says, “a person who has seen a parent forced to participate in each other’s activities may appreciate letting everyone choose and may see this as a sign of ‘health.’ What works in any given relationship is what works for those two people and isn’t based on a universal agreement that “All couples should want to spend time together.”

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4. They don’t want to argue

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You would think the opposite would be true: arguing would be a sign that the marriage is in trouble. But the fact is, disagreements happen all the time in a relationship and if your partner prefers to keep quiet instead of talking about a problem, that’s a sign of trouble. This could mean that they are no longer interested in resolving issues in the relationship.

“Blocking, or closing, is another of John Gottman’s ideas. four horsemen of the apocalypse“, says Krawiec. “Examples of this include escapism, silence or disinterest. Even though conversations can be confrontational, it’s healthy to turn to your partner instead of pushing them away in times of stress. When couples can reveal themselves, share, comfort each other, they release stress hormones that are good for both the giver and the receiver.

5. They are easily bored

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If your partner is I’m starting to lose interestEverything from the way you chew your food to the sound of your breathing can trigger them, sparking arguments and disagreements over the most trivial matters. This can be a sign of resentment and trouble beneath the surface of the relationship.

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6. They deliberately try to annoy you

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When a person loses interest in the relationship, they may do things like pick fights to annoy you and scare you away. Ask them what is the source of their behavior and what is bothering them. If they want the relationship to work, they will find a way to get out of it and not engage in irritating behavior.

7. They look down on you

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This is probably the most obvious sign and one that you won’t have much trouble identifying. But, if it is appears in your relationshipThis must be remedied immediately.

Contempt is the ultimate relationship killer, Gottman Institute research states, making a person feel worthless and as if their opinions don’t matter. “Contempt is a general dislike for your partner,” Krawiec explains. “It is characterized by name-calling, sky-glancing, swearing, sarcasm, and mean teasing. If there is contempt in your relationship, it is a sign that there are hurt feelings, unheard needs and a depletion of resources.

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Jeremy Brown is a writer and editor. His writing has appeared in numerous magazines, websites, and newspapers around the world, including special issues for TV Guide and the Discovery Channel.