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    • Dear Abby: Should my struggling daughter-in-law’s financial needs be our problem?
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    Dear Abby: Should my struggling daughter-in-law’s financial needs be our problem?

    Umito Posted on

    DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 30s; my husband is 46 years old. We have been married for three years. He has a 24-year-old daughter, “Kiki”. Kiki has always been spoiled and served; she learned to lie and manipulate during her childhood.
    I tried to help her because I believed her family when they said she was trying to get her life together. Kiki has a DUI and was evicted when her parents asked her to pay her own rent, rather than having them pay. They give her cars, but she destroys them then leaves them on the side of the road.
    We have a 3 week old baby and a mortgage. I don’t think his daughter should always be in our budget, but my husband can’t refuse to give her money. Kiki is a liar and a habitual user. She can’t pay for gas because she buys weed and alcohol instead, convinced that everyone will pay when her utilities are cut off.
    I don’t think it’s fair for us to pay for her. Is 24 young enough to still need this much help? My husband is very defensive. — USED IN NORTH CAROLINA

    DEAR USED: Given this young woman’s troubled history, your husband made a grave mistake in fostering his dependence on her. Independence is something she may have to learn gradually. Your husband should sit down with Kiki and explain that he loves her, but that she now needs to find work to support herself and that he will help her – for a set period of time – as she grows. she gets used to taking responsibility.
    If he continues to pay his rent, there should be a firm threshold. No more cars, because it represents a danger on the road. She can use public transportation. And if there are other problems due to his drug addiction, all bets will be off. Now is the time to draw the line.

    Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

    Umito
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