DEAR ERIC: One of my son’s former classmates still keeps in touch with me. She and my son haven’t contacted each other in over 10 years, but she continues to call me and invite me to her two daughters’ birthday parties.

I don’t know why she wants to stay in touch. She and my son married other people and I had hoped she would develop new friendships. I really don’t want to encourage her and I don’t think she has many friends. Even though I don’t go out of my way to attend events, I don’t think she knows that I don’t want to stay in touch.

I don’t want to hurt her and I hope she moves on soon. Any advice?

– Former friend

DEAR FRIEND: I’m so curious about what started this friendship. Were you ever close or did she just start contacting you and capitalizing on your politeness? Why is she calling a former classmate’s parent in the first place?

If she has no idea and you don’t want to stay in touch, unfortunately you have to give her an idea. You can redefine your relationship with kindness, but no matter how gently you do it, she may still have hurt feelings. However, if it weighs on you, you should follow through. There’s nothing wrong with being clear about what you can and can’t do.

Something short and to the point will work: “I appreciate the invitation, but I will not be available to come to parties in the future. » Or even more directly: “It’s been a long time since high school. Let’s go our separate ways. I wish you the best.”

Your husband’s friend should respect his time and efforts that your husband puts into developing social projects. The friend may not realize it, but by canceling so much, he is telling the husband that their friendship is not as valuable to him. That’s probably not what he means. But actions speak louder than RSVPs.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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