As the evenings approach and handcuff season begins, couples new and old around the world are spending more and more time snuggled together on the couch.

While this may be domestic bliss for some, many couples may also find themselves arguing more often over the same list of issues.

Luckily, these issues can be combatted — and we asked some experts what we can do to smooth out the wrinkles that appear in even the most sensitive areas. peaceful relationships.

According to sex and relationship therapist Dr. Karen Stewart, the five most common arguments in couples involve sex, communication problems, division of household labor and money. Of all the problems, communication problems are “probably the number one reason couples argue,” Stewart said.

I talks to therapists about what to watch for and how to act.

Not having sex is a symptom of a bigger problem

Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship, but if a couple has been together for a long time and each person has a lot of other things going on, it can often fall by the wayside. This can generate significant tension between couples, as one may feel sexually neglected by the other.

“The way many sex therapists think sex as a problem in marriage It’s that if it’s a problem, it’s a big problem. If sex is an issue, couples may argue several times a week because it is expected to happen with a particular frequency or one partner or the other to initiate it. , psychologist and sexologist. Dr. Stephanie Jona Buehler said.

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Almost every couple will have overcome a sexual problem, ranging from a difference in libido to a period of less sexual activity. Couples can resolve these issues by clearly communicating their needs, both in bed and outside of sex.

“When we feel that there is a big pink elephant in the room and we are not comfortable discussing it, that elephant will definitely come into your room and cause problems. The first step to solving this problem would be to have the crucial conversation and discuss the issue at hand. Once that issue is resolved, you can reconnect and reignite your sexual energy,” Stewart said.

Reigniting your sex life can be done in a variety of ways, from prioritizing romance with your partner to trying new things in the bedroom.

“Go out with your partner, flirt with them, ask about their day, touch them, support them, adore them, honor them, and respect them. These are all the things we did when we were dating and getting to know each other,” Stewart suggested.

“Reviving these feelings takes effort, but the reward for overcoming this obstacle is a more fulfilling and connected relationship.”

Resentment towards household chores

Does your partner never take out the trash or put their clothes in the laundry basket? You are not alone and the division of household chores is a major source of arguments in couples.

“Major arguments can arise over the division (or lack thereof) of tasks and responsibilities. An imbalance in this area can lead to at least one partner feeling unappreciated, taken advantage of, or feeling like their partner is not shouldering their fair share of the weight of family or household responsibilities,” Stewart said.

“Often the person who doesn’t feel appreciated is looking for a team culture but feels like they’re the one doing the heavy lifting. When this happens, resentment, hurt, exhaustion, and defensiveness can arise, leading to arguments.

However, starting a discussion about it probably isn’t the best approach. Couples are encouraged to talk to each other about their feelings about choresrather than bottling it up and letting it turn into resentment.

“I highly recommend couples talk about difficult things as soon as they arise,” Stewart suggested.

Buehler suggests that it can help couples see others’ perspectives by practicing what’s called “reflective listening.”

“Reflective listening can also be helpful when one or both partners complain about not feeling heard. In reflective listening, a partner repeats what was said to them before responding,” Buehler said.

Differences in spending habits

Disagreements often arise within couples over spending habits, savings priorities, and financial goals because different people can have very different approaches to money.

“I’ve seen couples who argued about whether they should spend more on a fancy dinner, but hadn’t talked about their long-term financial goals. » Emilie MayAASECT certified sexologist and writer on online dating platform Private Sugar Club, explained.

Again, clear communication about how much money you feel comfortable spending as a couple, or what kinds of things spending money on is a priority for you, can help avoid arguments.

“A conversation about your values ​​and priorities can save a hundred arguments over Amazon purchases. In fact, one of my favorite topics to talk about is how couples can create ‘fun budgets’ to enjoy life and avoid overdrafts,” May explained.

Thinking you’re always “right” when it comes to parenting

Different parenting styles, or just the stress of raise childrencan put a strain on a relationship.

“Children are a whole other area. How do you discipline them? Who collects them? Why do they refuse to eat vegetables unless they are shaped like a dinosaur? I’ve been talking to couples about parenting strategies for years,” May explained. “Stop trying to win the argument and start solving the problem together. You are part of the same team and the goal is to provide a safe and happy environment for children.

May suggests having these conversations regularly, at a time when both parties are open to communication and compromise.

“Have a coffee, sit down and talk about life before you’re too grumpy to care. You’d be amazed how much smoother things go when you’re not spinning it during an argument over whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher,” May said.

Not listening to what is Really upset your partner

Almost every other problem is underpinned by poor communication between partners in a relationship. If one person misinterprets what has been said by another, or if one person does not realize that their behavior is bothering the other, it can lead to conflict and resentment.

This problem can be resolved through frequent, clear and respectful conversations.

“Ideally, a couple has a regular time to check in on the health of their relationship and see if there are any issues that need to be discussed. By meeting at a set day and time – maybe once a week, maybe every two weeks – they can be prepared to resolve issues and hopefully reach consensus,” he said. Buehler said. “It also allows partners to learn to manage their feelings between meetings since they know they will have a way to express them peacefully.”

If that still doesn’t work, the couple can always call on a third party to help them further. communicate effectively.

“They can call on experts for help. Whether it’s seeing a financial advisor to create a budget, taking a parenting class, or seeing a sex and relationship therapist to learn better communication and problem-solving skills, it’s a sign to know when to ask for help. ” concluded Bühler.