Luggage. We all have it. But at what point does it become a deal breaker in a relationship? My clients often tell me that they are looking for someone with little to no emotional baggage. Yes, life can be simpler if there are no ex-wives to negotiate with, no alimony to pay, and no illnesses or emotional issues to deal with. But if you’re of a certain age, I hope you’ve lived and experienced as much as possible.

However, handling emotional baggage well can strengthen a relationship rather than becoming a deal breaker. So don’t be so quick to write someone off because of a little extra baggage. On the other hand, you might encounter a some relationship breakdowns that you cannot overcome or accept. That’s why it’s essential to understand what works for you in a relationship – and what won’t.

If you continue to ignore these nine signs, you will never find this one:

1. Dating someone who “takes the plunge” in a relationship

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If your boyfriend or girlfriend proclaims his undying love for you on the first date, chances are he won’t be right for you. It’s not flattering, it’s scary. If this person thinks they “know” you after just a few hours or even a few dates, then they are not interested in the real you. It’s just interested in having someone.

According to a University of Denver studymoving too fast without allowing enough time to develop a solid foundation in your relationship is associated with a higher breakup potential. Several studies emphasize the importance of taking time to establish trust and compatibility before making important decisions.

This person could turn out to be a stalker or worse. It’s better to be alone than with someone who wants to be intimate too soon.

RELATED: The Brutal Truth About Jumping Into a Rebound Relationship Too Soon

2. Being too specific about your dream person

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We all have our “dream man” or our “perfect woman”. “He must be over six feet five inches tall and have a full head of hair.” “She must weigh 110 pounds and have a 36D chest.” But if that’s your criteria for a “soul mate”, I have news for you: you probably won’t find the love of your life!

Conversely, do you want to be with someone who finds you attractive but doesn’t care about the person inside? Looks are fleeting. Looking for a soul mate which is beautiful under the skin. You never know in which package your soul mate will arrive. Be flexible and you might be pleasantly surprised.

3. Dating people you know won’t fit in with your family

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If someone is truly your soulmate, they will be there for a long time. Presumably, you want to be with someone who would fit in well with your family and friends… someone you would be proud to bring home to mom and dad.

Don’t date a man who wants you to dress like a porn star. He doesn’t see you as a “wife” or the mother of his future children. And guys, if you’re really I’m looking for your soul mateDon’t date someone you’d be ashamed to bring back to your parents’ house.

4. Being with someone who doesn’t care about others

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A person who treats others poorly, such as waiters and service attendants, has a bad temper. Chances are he or she will treat you just as harshly later.

According to research led by UC Berkeley expertsunpleasant people—those with selfish, combative, and manipulative personalities—don’t end up being ahead or more successful than anyone else down the line. So don’t fool yourself into thinking that your partner is just ambitious. Instead, judge him on how he treats others personally and professionally. Never settle for someone who is rude or inconsiderate of others’ feelings.

RELATED: 5 Warning Signs Your Partner is Inconsiderate and Very Selfish

5. A partner who sees you above all as a future parent

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If you desperately need a baby – and yes, this applies to some men too – you can’t let this affect your search for a partner. Don’t settle for someone less than a soulmate because your biological clock is ticking. And if your potential partner broaches the subject of having children with you even before your second date, be wary of being used as a sperm bank.

6. Accepting bad manners or hygiene

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A true soul mate will have your feelings in mind. He or she will not offend you with bad manners or poor hygiene. If he spends every meal on his cell phone, avoiding any conversation with you, get rid of him. (If he’s a doctor or a single parent and gets an emergency call, give him a break!)

Poor hygiene can be a major obstacle for potential partners. Research indicates that poor self-care can have a significant negative impact on relationships, often leading to decreased attraction, less intimacy, and even breakups.

If your potential soulmate always meets you in a t-shirt and flip-flops and doesn’t bother to brush their teeth, then they don’t care about your feelings. If he burps and farts at the table and picks his teeth with a box of matches, he’s not for you. Your soul mate will want to show you their “best side” even beyond the first few dates.

7. A partner full of himself.

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Self-confidence is attractive — bragging is not. Confidence can even be a powerful indicator of overall romantic attractiveness, according to Sean Murphya doctorate. student in psychological sciences at the University of Queensland’s School of Psychology, who conducted four research studies that tested how people respond to trust in the dating world.

Men who brag about how much money they make, their six-pack abs, or their brand new Ferrari are not kindred spirits. This “macho talk” means that he is more interested in you than in you. And it works both ways.

Men are turned off by women who always talk about their appearance and have a taste for expensive jewelry or manicures. Look for a partner who is modest in appearance and achievements.

RELATED: 3 Small Root Causes of Low Self-Confidence, According to a Psychologist

8. A partner who is high maintenance or needy

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Never settle for a partner who relies solely on you for entertainment. An attractive soul mate is independent and not joined to you at the hip. He or she must have your best interests at heart. When I ask my male clients if they care what kind of job a woman has, 95% of the time they say, “I don’t care what she does as long as she has a job and that it’s something she loves.” or is passionate.”

He doesn’t want to have the pressure of knowing that she’s just waiting for him to finish work or whatever he’s doing so he can come home to entertain her. A certain degree of independence allows a balanced and healthy relationship.

9. A partner who always talks about their ex

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Recent studies have revealed that while breakups have a more immediate emotional impact on women, men “often never fully get over it – they just move on – but knowing that your man is still hung up on his ex can be a real turn-off.” No one wants to hear stories or complaints about the ex. You want to be involved with someone in the past and be ready for a new relationship.

I often get comments from men and women about their dates and exes. And usually, it’s incredibly damaging. Put the past in the past and focus on the person in front of you. Baggage or not, the quality of character will take you through a long and happy journey with your soul mate.

RELATED: 6 Zodiac Signs Who Hold On To Their Ex

Marla Materson is an award-winning author, spiritual life coach, matchmaker, energy healer, and intuitive reader.