Updated: 47 a few minutes ago Published: 9 hours ago

Dear Annie: I have complex feelings about my family, which may seem harsh, but I think it’s important to explain them. They exhibit behaviors that I find troubling, such as a tendency to rely on the support of more successful family members without taking responsibility for their own situation. According to them, refusing to help is considered a profound lack of respect.

My mother and I worked diligently to succeed, often without family support. Despite our requests for help in difficult times, we received an apology. Today, it seems like my accomplishments are seen as a burden, as if I have to give up my success just because others in my family are struggling with self-inflicted challenges.

The expectation that “family takes care of family” can sometimes be taken too far. For example, my brother asked me to cover the cost of his engagement ring and my grandmother insisted that I buy him alcohol even though she couldn’t afford it. While I believe in supporting those facing genuine challenges, it is disheartening to see my family ridicule those of us who choose not to allow a cycle of addiction, especially when we are unable to help them. help.

I tried to have a relationship with my family that didn’t revolve around financial support, but it made me feel like an outcast for my success and my refusal to conform to their expectations. This situation has been going on for so long that I have become tired and indifferent.

Eventually, I realized that our relationship was strained. I feel like we don’t really love each other. Some days I accept this reality, while other days I struggle with feelings of guilt for making my own well-being my top priority. Despite my efforts to distance myself—like avoiding social media and blocking phone numbers—they still find ways to contact me, often reinforcing their disappointment with veiled comments and negative attitudes.

This ongoing conflict leaves me questioning my decision to step back. Am I wrong to prioritize my own needs?

– Black sheep in conflict

Dear black sheep in conflict: They probably miss you, that’s why they are trying to contact you. This doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. You must make the choices that best suit your current situation in life. Remember that people can change, so it’s good to check in with your family periodically to see if they are also more open to change. But you’re 100% right: you don’t have to buy your brother’s engagement ring or drink alcohol for your grandmother. These are pretty outrageous demands.