For many girl dads, it’s almost a rite of passage to threaten and terrorize, in some cases, their daughter’s boyfriend, especially during the first introduction.

However, in a TikTok video, a daughter, father of a teenager, content creator and college professor named Neil Chiminsky shared that while it’s understandable that fathers want to do everything in their power to protect their daughters, instilling fear in their chosen partner is not the best approach.

A daughter’s father has explained why bullying his daughter’s boyfriend doesn’t actually protect her.

In Shyminsky’s video, he broke down the problematic nature of the protective father trope by putting together a video of another father talking about first meeting his 13-year-old daughter’s boyfriend.

“As a girl dad, I knew it was going to happen but I don’t know if I’m ready for it,” the father said. “But I like this kid. I met him recently. He’s respectful, shook my hand, looked me in the eyes, called me by my last name.”

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Shyminsky admitted that his father lost him a bit by insisting that his boyfriend call him by his last name, but things only got worse from there. The father said it was difficult to understand that his little girl was starting a relationship with a guy who would probably end up “replacing” him, adding that he was happy to say the least to know that the young man was ” terrified” of him.

“SO, you want a 13 year old to be terrified of you” asked Shyminsky in disbelief. “We have not forgotten that the children we are talking about are 13 years old. This little boy is probably 5’10.” There are enough red flags here that your idea of ​​’cordial’ is probably intimidating.”

Shyminsky explained that to any 13-year-old boy, a grown man would seem a little intimidating, addressing the father’s point that he hadn’t actively tried to scare the teen who was dating his daughter, but his appearance did all the work. instead.

He claimed that as a “girl dad,” the last thing he wanted was to bully another teenager just to protect his daughter.

“This is where you and I differ a little,” Shyminsky continued, addressing the other father’s video directly.

“Since I am usually much taller than the people around me, I measure success by who feels safe in my presence and not how many young children I terrify.”

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He stressed that he will always want the dating world, especially if his daughter decides to continue dating boys, to be as safe as possible for her. But threatening teenagers and reveling in their fear of him and his “muscles,” as this other girl’s father gleefully declared, is not the way to go about it.

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Fear does not command true respect. True respect is earned through trust and kindness.

“A boy who respects your daughter only because he fears you might hurt her is not someone we want near our daughters,” Shyminsky insisted.

“Because if he’s supposed to respect you and listen to you because your muscles are bigger than his, how is your daughter supposed to treat him when hers are, in all likelihood, bigger than his?”

If fathers want to make sure their daughters feel protected and safe around their boyfriends, they should teach them to value themselves and to never settle for someone who intimidates them.

If a child is old enough and mature enough to date, any decisions regarding this relationship should be made between the partners only.

Actually, research has shown that parents who attempt to control their teenage girls’ romantic relationships reinforce archaic ideals that women cannot make good choices for themselves. This inevitably leads to feelings of low self-esteem and has a direct impact on adolescent promiscuity.

Basically, bullying your daughter’s boyfriend tells him that you don’t trust him.

Instead, fathers should lead by example. By treating the women in their lives with trust, honesty, and respect, they will raise girls who will settle for nothing less.

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Nia Tipton is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics focused on psychology, relationships and the human experience.