• Growing up, I knew I wanted to get married, but I wasn’t sure if I would have children.
• When I met my husband, he already had a daughter and I was surprised by the bond between me and her.
• I discovered that I love being a stepmother.

In seventh grade, we were given the task of writing an autobiography. My sunflower-adorned masterpiece still lives at my parents’ house, tucked in a closet among photo albums and newspaper clippings.

I took it out not long ago and flipped through the pages. At twelve years old, I imagined that I go to graduate school and become a journalist (check and verify). I was surprised by how accurately I saw myself, even at a young age.

Then I got to my projections page, where I thought, “I don’t know if I would I love having childrenbut I hope to get married.”

We are now 27 years later and not much has changed. As I prepare to enter my 40s, I have had moments of the proverbial “baby fever,” but it always fades. I’m an introvert who is solidly protective of my solo time, and I always thought that meant any form of parenting would be off-limits for me.

So you can imagine my surprise when I met my daughter-in-law now a few years ago and discovered that I really enjoyed being a parental figure in his life.

I never imagined becoming a stepmom, but I’m glad I did

I stumbled across all of this and met my husband, Davey, on a dating app while trying to make platonic friends. It quickly became romantic and I felt an internal push-pull. I wanted to develop our relationship, but I was also terrified of meeting his daughter, and he was rightly concerned about introduce romantic partners to his child.

But when I met her the summer after she finished kindergarten, everything went well. We all hung out a few more times and she started asking questions about me and inviting me to things. I felt a connection with her; she is curious, inquisitive and fun. I often get compliments from strangers about his “bright energy,” and that stood out to me at the time, too.

Davey and I got engaged, and we moved in together. We got married a year later. I officially became a stepmom and, although I told my husband that I didn’t want to be expected to handle parenting if I didn’t want to, I accepted my new role.

Being a parent has broadened my life

I love so many things about parenting. I am more present in my life because I don’t want to miss his enthusiasm during new experiences. I’m getting more involved in my community because I want to make sure they are exposed to as many things as possible. I am more patient and thoughtful because I want to be a good example.

It was amazing to see my family welcome him and to see my parents become grandparents for the first time. I’ve developed new friendships with moms that I wouldn’t have otherwise; As much as we want to believe that friendships can transcend circumstances, it’s just a fact that you are more exposed to people at the same time in your life.

Recently a friend asked me what my childcare responsibilities are, and I shared some things: I make school lunches, plan play dates and sleepovers, figure out our travel schedule, and help him pick out outfits. I do homework with her after school and create quizzes to help her master key concepts. I helped teach her how to ride a bike and I manage her extracurricular activities.

It’s all the logistics, but I also talk to him about big topics like God and spirituality and feelings like pride and humility. We make gratitude lists together and talk about everything she wants to do in the future (so far she wants to become a baker and maybe adopt a child one day).

Being a stepmother is the best of both worlds

Not long ago, Davey and I wondered if we should expand our family. My daughter-in-law asks for a sibling, and sometimes I think, “I’m already a parent, right?”

Still, I can’t deny that as much as I love our family, I also love the built-in breaks that come with shared custody. We have our free time and we can each have our own interests without sacrificing family time or arranging childcare. It’s the best of both worlds, and it’s working for me right now.

Last summer we went to the beach. My daughter-in-law followed me into the ocean and wrapped her arms around me. “Everything is better when I’m with you and my dad,” she said, and my heart exploded. It’s moments like these that make me lucky to have this opportunity.

Yes, I may have always considered myself childless, but that’s no longer the case. I’m a stepmom – a bonus parent, but still a parent and a role that suits me.