Susan Smith, a woman from South Carolina who admitted to drowning his two children 30 years ago, was unanimously denied parole after his first appearance before the board Wednesday.

“I know what I did was horrible. And I would give anything if I could go back and change it,” Smith, overcome with emotion, told the parole board via Zoom. “I love Michael and Alex with all my heart.”

On October 25, 1994, Smith, then 23, strapped her sons – Michael, 3, and Alexander, 14 months – into their car seats and let the car roll into a lake near her home.

At first, Smith lied to police and said a black man had carjacked her and kidnapped her sons. Smith’s husband believed her, and the young parents appeared on television to plead with the suspect to take the boys home.

On November 3, 1994, police confronted Susan Smith about her story and she admitted to the murders.

The council mentioned how his case took resources away from law enforcement searching for his sons. When asked what she would say to the responders, Smith said, “I’m sorry I put them through that.”

“I wish I could take that back, I really do,” said Smith, now 53. “I didn’t lie to get away with it. … I was just scared. I didn’t know how to tell the people who love them that they would never see them again.”

“I’m a Christian and God is a big part of my life. And I know he has forgiven me,” Smith said.

Susan Smith’s ex-husband, David Smith, was emotional as he asked the board to deny parole.

“It was not a tragic mistake. (…) She deliberately intended to end their lives,” he said, adding: “I never felt any remorse from her for that.”

“She almost made me end my life because of the heartache she caused me,” David Smith said.

Until now, his ex-wife was serving “15 years per child,” he said. “It’s just not enough.”

David Smith’s current wife, Tiffany Smith, asked the board to keep Susan Smith in prison for life to give the family some peace.

She said her husband couldn’t get up some days because of the pain.

“Michael and Alex had no chance to live. They were forced to face the death penalty,” she said.

Tommy Pope, the prosecutor in the case, also asked the board to deny parole, saying, “Susan’s focus has always been on Susan.”

“Susan made a horrible, horrible choice in choosing a man over her family,” Pope said. “If she could have put David in the car, he would have been there too.”

“For the crime she committed … this punishment has not yet been imposed,” Pope said.

At trial, prosecutors argued that the young mother was having an affair and that her boyfriend broke off the relationship because of his children.

Susan Smith’s defense said she planned to kill herself and her children, but left the car at the last second.

Pope noted Wednesday that “she wasn’t wet, she wasn’t hurt” when she ran for help.

The defense also focused on his mental health and childhood; Susan Smith’s stepfather said he sexually abused her for years.

Susan Smith was found guilty but spared the death penalty and was sentenced to life in prison.

She is eligible for a parole hearing every two years starting at age 30.

David Smith told the parole board on Wednesday: “I will be here every two years going forward to make sure their deaths are not in vain.”

Susan Smith was repeatedly disciplined in prison, including for having sex with prison officers, for drug possession, and for giving the contact information of her family and ex-husband to a documentary producer .

Susan Smith’s lawyer, Tommy Thomas, told the parole board the case was about “the dangers of untreated mental health.” He said Susan Smith suffered from undiagnosed depression after the birth of her second son.

Thomas emphasized that she had no criminal history and said that if she was granted parole, she would live with her brother.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.