One night, I put on my phone on silent before bed when it started ringing with a call I was half expecting.

It was my friend Tom, just a few hours after I last saw him.

It was a Tuesday evening, which meant I had just greeted, hugged, and said goodbye to a group of my closest friends after our weekly meeting. fitness meeting in a local park.

During a warm-up session, I had quietly moved next to Tom, who had told me that it was likely that he and his girlfriend would break up later that evening.

They had been together for over a year and it wasn’t hard to sense her anxiety about coming home and facing the music.

Fast forward to three hours later.

His hunch was right – he and his girlfriend had broken up and now he was taking his duvet and pillow to his small rented office nearby to sleep for the night.

He needed to talk a little, so I immediately sat down and listened to him.

“Thank you for this companion,” he whispered.

After graduating from college in 2002, Tuesday night workouts became sacred among a group of my closest friends: me, Rob – an animator and engineer, Tom – an inventor who later won The apprenticeand Jono – author, designer and illustrator.

We had all met while studying our Masters in Mechanical Engineering at the University of Bath. We had been put on a team project together and we got along well.

A few years after graduating, and with several other friends, we found ourselves living and working in London and placed an unwavering marker in our diaries to ensure we saw each other regularly, as life beyond our carefree 20s became increasingly demanding and difficult.

It was a way to stay fit and having fun, but above all, it was a way to stay in everyone’s lives.

Between us we created – don’t laugh – Ripped Club London, or RCL: An ironic label that quickly got out of hand. Soon there were more than a dozen of us.

Attendance was deemed mandatory, and we even imposed fines on a common account for those who could not come on a Tuesday evening, which would become pocket money for future social activities and vacations.

When it comes to our friendship, we mean it.

Over the years, people have commented on how rare and cool it is to see male friends making time for each other in such an engaged and supportive way.

A 2021 report concluded that men are more alone than everthe American Survey Center revealing that only 27% of men report having six close friends.

Even sadder, 15% of men say they have no close friends. When three times more men than women die suicidemen’s mental health is in crisis.

I would say it’s more important than ever to build a circle of support around you, of friends with whom you can celebrate and commiserate over the years.

We would meet up to play indoor mini-golf, followed by dinner and drinks, or organize unique charity challenges, including riding a custom-made six-man tandem from London to Amsterdam; and cycle through and between the largest lakes in Scotland, England And Wales.

Even during Covid isolation, a group of seven of us (including Tom, Jono and me) logged into Zoom calls at 6:30 a.m., three times a week, to do a 20-minute fitness session and check-in rapid assessment of everyone’s state of health. -being and actuality.

I remember feeling grateful for connection and friendship at a time when everyone felt disconnected.

During these recordings, we heard about new babies, engagements, sick family members, and people’s career ups and downs. It was short and sweet but prepared you for the day ahead.

A friend had moved Germany with his family and I planned to visit him and stay for five days. But when it came to packing up and leaving, it seemed like such an effort and something I wasn’t really looking forward to anymore.

I asked my dad if I could cancel the trip and I remember him saying, “Sometimes you have to work a little to maintain your friendships.’

These are very wise words that I have always remembered.

Fortunately, my visit to Germany turned out to be a lot of fun. I made new friends, explored completely new places for me in the cities of Essen and Dortmund and really enjoyed having the independence of being away from home to do whatever I wanted .

Over the 10 years of RCL, I’ve lost count of the times I didn’t feel like running through a dark, wet, muddy park after a long day at work, but there was never a single occasion when I regretted having done it.

Putting the work Dad talked about into my friendships has always been worth it. Seeing my friends always helps put problems into perspective, it gives me energy when lethargy threatens to arise, and it makes me feel connected to something bigger than my own little world.

Now our weekly get-togethers involve recording a podcast – Sketchplanations The Podcast – with me, Tom and Jono as hosts.

Together we cover a range of topics from science to everyday life hacks, all made simple with Jono’s captivating sketches.

Supporting each other has made a huge difference to our own feelings of belonging and being loved and supported.

Over the years we have traveled to many places together; sometimes for work, sometimes for pleasure.

Tom and I spent a winter season working as “lifters” at a Canadian ski resort, and Jono and Tom spent a year in Belgium working as design consultants.

When Jono moved to San Francisco, Tom and I arranged a surprise visit for his 30th birthday. and I spent 10 days exploring with him.

Tom and Jono were even each other’s best man at their weddings.

Getting serious about managing our friendship by planning when we’ll see each other has paid off for all three of us and with the podcast going from strength to strength, I don’t see that diminishing anytime soon.

I believe more men should be proactive in nurturing their friendships and not apologizing for saving a date for their partner.

Many of my friends were made in college, which was a unique time in my life where we all lived and breathed each other’s schedules.

Today, in our much busier lives, protecting this precious connection takes intention, the promise of pleasure and commitment and, looking back, I couldn’t be happier that I made that commitment to myself. put in the mud and water on those dark, cold Tuesday evenings.

As Michelle Morgan Davies said

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