It’s a lot of work raising young children today, but with the rise of the “your body is my choice” discourse, some of us may be wondering what we can do to raise boys who will become healthy and fulfilled men.

According to a recent analysis, there was a 4,600% increase in mentions of the trending phrase on Trump.

While some studies link how we raise our children to future mental health consequences – particularly when it comes to childhood abuse or neglect – it is difficult to prove that raising boys in a positive and healthy way will ensure that they do not become violent , says Deanne Carson, CEO of Body Safety Australia.

Zac Seidler, global director of research at mental health organization Movember, says research on outcomes for boys is rare, because “cultural narratives are typically focused on risk monitoring, rather than exploration of what helps (boys and men) to flourish.”

But we know recent data that nearly 40 percent of young men today feel obligated to conform to certain rules, such as acting forcefully or fighting back in order to behave like a “real man.” Thirty-four percent believe society expects them to “use violence to gain respect when necessary.”

So what’s the good news?

Well, there are things we can do as parents and adults to nurture the little boys in our lives and help them recognize the toxic attitudes they will be exposed to, especially on social media.

“We see children in their joy and their generosity and their kindness. I think if we can deliberately keep those qualities in children as they grow, we can really inoculate them against some of the negative messages as they grow ” Mrs. Carson said.

We spoke with three experts to find out what are the most powerful things we can do as parents, guardians, grandparents and educators for today’s young boys.

Here are four of the biggest.

Understand typical boy behaviors – and don’t try to fix them all

Carson says it’s developmentally normal for young boys to hit out of frustration, be more physical on the playground or have poor impulse control.

But if we help them understand that “other people’s bodies belong to them” and that it’s okay if they don’t get what they want, they will become more confident.

“We’re really giving them the skills they’re going to need for relationships when they’re older,” she says.

Dr. Seidler says parents can play a huge role in defining what matters to young boys, without telling them how they should act.

He says young boys’ “rambunctious” behavior and the way they interact with their peers often leads to “tenderness and intimacy.” It is essential that we find a way to understand it.

Dr. Billy Garvey, senior developmental pediatrician and founder of Guiding Growing Minds, agrees. He says that instead of aiming for conformity, we should aim to form healthy relationships.

This includes modeling healthy intimacy and affection in relationships with our partner, family, and friends.

“We know that the rates of mental illness in adults are horrible and that multigenerational trauma and cycling are very hard to break, but they are breakable, and that’s the beautiful thing,” he says.

Emotions are healthy – support them (and take care of yourself too!)

It’s easy to get frustrated and angry with our children because they throw tantrums, talk back to us, and display a range of emotions.

Finding our own calm before supporting our children is the first step, says Dr. Garvey. Otherwise, we “add fuel to the fire”.

“If we can show them that unconditional love and support exist and that we will get through things together, then they will grow into adults who expect that from their relationships – and who will also give it to the ones they are a part of,” she says. he. .

Boys often don’t talk about their feelings and dismiss difficult emotions, says Dr. Garvey.

When they express themselves, they are often told that “boys don’t cry” or that they “are girls.”

Carson says we all have internalized messages that we perpetuate in our parenting, but by stopping and admitting our faults, we can make a big difference.

“Returning to the conversation with your child is really, really important, even if it means apologizing and saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ I said don’t be a girl. Stop crying. But actually, “That wasn’t the right message to give you. And I saw that you were upset, and I’m here to talk about it,” Ms. Carson said.

And as Dr. Seidler explains, choosing the right time to talk to your boy can make a big difference.

“The time to sit down and have a discussion with your six-year-old is not when he is at his highest level of intensity, it is about finding ways with him in those more intense moments. calm to determine what he needs,” he says.

Spend screen time together and share ideas

As Ms. Carson says, we’re never going to be completely ahead of everything that’s happening in the social media cycle, but the best thing we can do as parents of early childhood students and primary school students is to ensure that they can recognize toxic attitudes in the media they consume.

“It can be very tempting to give them an iPad to let them watch their shows, but to sit down and watch Bluey with them and tell them why Bluey’s values ​​align with your family’s values, or if you watch a movie or a TV show and something that seems a little sexist or racist to you, explain it, don’t be afraid of those difficult conversations,” she explains.

“If you think these issues are teenage issues, they’re not. Please talk to your kids about this. And I think ages 9 to 12 is the perfect time to do it .”

Dr. Seidler agrees. He says asking lots of questions is a great way to engage them in healthy conversations, but you need to “put aside your own biases and emotions” and aim for “openness, curiosity and your own discomfort.”

He wants us to ask our boys the following questions: “What are you looking at? Why are you watching it? How does this make you feel?

Develop their self-esteem

This is a major problem, says Dr. Garvey. He says the most important thing we can do as parents is to “celebrate” our children.

“I think we get caught in these cycles where we just have to get through the day and do our homework… But none of us have kids for that reason. We have them because we want to give someone that beautiful life,” he said.

“They have a voice, they can disagree, they can have a say, from toddlers to teenagers.”

Ms. Carson says that building “very strong self-esteem, from birth” is not about ego.

“I’m not talking about telling little boys how great they are, or how strong they are, or how beautiful they are, I’m talking about really helping them understand their worth as a human being, so that when faced with adversity, as they age, they do not externalize. They do not seek to blame feminism for all the problems they face.

Dr. Seidler says little boys are simply good men waiting to flourish, and we need to give them the space, love and warmth to do that.

“Give them the skills to practice all these different things. Don’t box them in. Basically, that’s the path to success,” he says.