Earlier this week, Primus revealed that longtime drummer, Tim “Herb” Alexander, left the band via email, saying he “lost his passion for playing.” Today, the former member explained why he left rolling stone.

Although he told the magazine that he “feels really good,” he added that he’s “dealing with all the pain, but I’m doing things to strengthen my body, strengthen my relationships and strengthen my mind… I’m the happiest I think I’ve ever been. I don’t look at it like, “I can’t function anymore, I have to stop.” I feel good, I feel strong, but I had to make these changes to get here.

“Oftentimes you’ve been doing something you’ve loved for a long time, and sometimes the passion turns into work, and sometimes that work no longer feels like your true self,” he continued:

Over time, I began to realize that it was affecting my physical life, my mental life, and my family life, and my heart just wasn’t in it. When I discovered that I was struggling with all of these things, I had to sit down and think about what exactly I was doing. I don’t think I ever chose my path in life, I think I always thought “I’m a drummer, I’m just going to make music”, and things just came to me, accepting whatever he’s coming.

As for informing the group of his departure, he said he “wrote this letter with all my heart to these guys, to let them know (I was leaving)… It was very sincere, it was very loving, I “I said positive things about how much I enjoyed them and how much admiration there was,” he explained. “So it was very surprising that only certain parts were broadcast worldwide.”

He considered holding out for the Primus shows in Oakland, but ultimately came to the conclusion that it didn’t feel right:

I wouldn’t be authentic to myself. I would do it with everyone thinking it’s goodbye, but I’m already gone. And I really don’t like playing drums, where every time I hit a drum I’m like, “Ugh, that’s not where I want to be.” It doesn’t feel good, it’s terrible for the body.

Alexander’s next step is working with musicians through his online drum school Stick Academy. The article ends with his full statement explaining why he left the group. Read it below.

I know there are a lot of questions about why I left Primus and I think it’s important to share my story – for me as well as for our fans. Walking away from Primus was one of the hardest decisions of my life, but in the end, it came down to love – for myself, my family, and the life I want to create for the future. I chose a path of love.

As for what I told the group about “losing my passion for the game,” I said it. But I also said, “All this touring has left me feeling empty. My body hurts constantly. This context is important. I also told them they deserved someone who wanted to be there. And I meant it. As for “abruptly”, I guess there’s never a perfect time to leave something you’ve been a part of for so long. Groups have their own internal workings and form a relationship. Sometimes it doesn’t seem balanced and sometimes it doesn’t work.

Over the past few months, I have experienced a period of deep healing and intensive mental rehabilitation, learning to confront the struggles I have had for years. In this time of loneliness, I began to see with new clarity what no longer serves me, the people and situations that do not support my well-being, and the parts of my life that I need to let go of in order to find the peace and stability.

When I joined Primus, I was 24 years old. I’m almost 60 now and I’m not only a drummer, but also a husband and father. Being a drummer for almost four decades took its toll on my body. Like I said before, my body hurts. My hands hurt. My back hurts. Ten years ago, I had open heart surgery and I’m still dealing with the aftermath.

For so many years of my life, I slept, breathed and lived music, giving it everything I had – and often to the detriment of my physical and mental health. Playing the drums is a tough job – and coupled with touring and gigging, it can be exhausting on every level. But I love playing the drums and I always will. Just like I will always have so much love and appreciation for our fans, the music we made, the places we went, and everything I learned along the way.

When we were young musicians, the world was different from today. There wasn’t a focus on how this life affected us – we just didn’t talk about it – and I think we lost a lot of incredible musicians over the years because of it. I no longer feel the need to hide the fact that last year I wasn’t happy and was in a dark place emotionally. I desperately missed my family while on tour and felt very alone.

My decision to leave the group was rooted in a deep need to prioritize my mental and physical health. I want to give my family the presence and energy they deserve and take care of myself in a way that allows me to thrive.

I view this next chapter as a positive new beginning that can hopefully inspire others to speak and live their own truths, even when it’s difficult. I wish the group continued success; and to the fans who supported me, I want to thank you for your compassion and kind words. Your support has been a source of strength for me, and as I close this chapter, I am excited to explore a new path forward, grounded in love, respect, and health.