Have you ever felt like your love life or relationships are spiraling out of control? It probably is, and it’s probably the case because of a myth you’re buying into, a myth that is sabotaging your chances of finding a healthy, loving relationship: that you can’t choose who you fall in love with.

Saying you can’t choose who you fall in love with is a dangerous way of thinking. If we think we don’t have control over our emotions and choices, we’re headed for a crazy (and not so great) ride. We control our happiness and our actions.

Women in these happy, equitable, satisfying relationships know that they can choose the direction of their relationships. They also know and appreciate these seven key rules.

Seven Things Women in Happy, Healthy Relationships Know (You Can Learn Too)

1. You are awesome – and your life and love should be awesome too!

If there’s one thing in life that shouldn’t be average, it’s love (and the second thing is coffee!). Stop letting your fear of being single keep you from waiting for a love that is everything you’ve always hoped for.

Commercial images of monkeys via Shutterstock

2. Where you set your bar determines how others will treat you

How we love and value ourselves determines how we let others love us, value us, or mistreat us. It’s funny how we develop an unconscious attitude towards our own actions, words and treatment of ourselves.

When we realize how much we are worth, we set the standard for others to see our value as well, as explored by studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Or if they don’t, we at least know when to block these people from our lives.

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3. Love is a tricky business, so make it a little easier on yourself

Relationships are hard enough without adding to the drama because we forgot to set a standard. By being clear about what you want at the start and knowing when – and when not – compromiseyou give yourself a head start.

No one wants to constantly struggle or be unhappy because we let our values ​​slip away. Respect your boundaries before giving your heart away so you can fall in love with someone good for and for you.

4. Having standards means more chances of being happy

When we feel a healthy sense of self-love and an idea of ​​what we want and need, life becomes so much easier! This also means that we attract only the right kind of relationships into our lives because we can identify toxic relationships.

Kelley Quirk, University of Louisville, helps us know what red flags look like, it becomes easier to be able to avoid them. And less drama and heartache usually means more peace and happiness in our lives.

RELATED: I’d Rather Be Alone Than Compromise My High Standards

5. You can sort the good from the bad (and the ugly)

When you are a woman who knows what you want and what you deserve, you will know how to sort the wheat from the chaff. If a person is not up to your standards (realistic and healthy), it is clear that they are not worth your time.

Save yourself the heartache. Save yourself the drama, time, money and emotional drain. Set boundaries and you can focus only on inviting the right person into your heart and life, like explained in Dr. Lynn Jamieson’s work on intimacy and boundaries.

Jacob Lund via Shutterstock

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6. You give yourself permission to grow and flourish

My goodness, life is so much easier when our relationships are easy too! I’m sure some of you can relate to what it’s like to be in a exhausting and unsatisfying relationship. It zaps all your energy and thoughts, leaving you exhausted.

Needless to say, this also puts the rest of our growth and life on hold. When you set a healthy standard for a relationship, it allows you to shine, grow, and flourish in all areas of your life.

7. You experience love like never before!

This has to be the best reason to set standards (which is why I saved it for last)! Who wants to be unhappy and settle for second best? I guess it’s no one!

When you set the bar for your worth, you also give yourself the chance to invite incredible love into your life. Love should be amazing. Yes, there will be difficult times, but overall it will be full of joy.

So do yourself a favor and stop limiting what could be based on your fears, insecurities and doubts.

Your superb love story awaits you.

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Renee Slansky is a relationship and dating coach, as well as the founder of The Dating Directory, an online community for women dealing with love, life, and relationships.