Kristofer Hivju, left, and Dwayne Johnson in “Red One.” Credit: Frank Masi/Prime via TNS

The Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge can go on vacation early — “Red One” has already left holiday cheer dead in a ditch.

There has never been a greater example of holiday materialism than “Red One,” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s latest film that inexplicably received a $250 million budget. It’s unclear exactly where those funds went, given how awful the final product is – although it’s clear they weren’t spent on hiring good writers.

“Red One” is an abomination of a Christmas movie in which Santa (JK Simmons) is kidnapped and his head of security (Johnson) must join forces with hacker and deadbeat dad, Jack (Chris Evans). ), to save Santa Claus in time. save Christmas.

Predictably, they succeed in saving Christmas in the world of the film, but “Red One” sucks all holiday cheer out of the already nearly empty theaters it plays in, threatening to destroy the real Christmas forever.

“Red One” feels like ChatGPT’s attempt at creating a “wonder” Christmas movie, starring Captain America (Evans) himself. From superhero costumes to boring one-dimensional villains, “Red One” even pulls off one of the most distinct Marvel superpowers.

For some inexplicable reason, Johnson’s character, as well as Santa Claus, have the ability to shrink and enlarge small objects like in 2015’s “Ant-Man.” Lucy Liu, who plays a government agent tasked with controlling mythological creatures, randomly transforms into a blatant imitation of Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow in the film’s third act.

“Red One” arguably features Evans’ most insufferable role, which is no small feat considering he’s starred in several other overproduced disasters like Netflix’s “Grey Man.”

His character seems incapable of doing much more than exclaiming, poorly delivered, shocked by the events unfolding around him, with “What? being pretty much every other word he says. At least he doesn’t have to embarrass himself alone.

Throughout the film, he is surrounded by other extremely talented actors and actresses, such as Liu, Simmons, and Nick Kroll, all of whom call him for a check and pale in comparison to their more iconic roles.

There’s a reason “Red One” comes out in November: No theater wants to waste its most lucrative holiday months showing it.

At least it’s not uncommon for children to cry at Christmas, so “Red One” probably won’t do much additional damage when released on video around this time and watched in split-screen with Subway Surfers gameplay on TikTok – clearly its ideal intended viewing format.

Everyone who had a creative voice in the creation of “Red One” deserves some coal in their stockings.

Hopefully their efforts will succeed in killing the blockbuster Christmas action movie genre. This way, audiences can return to watching reruns of “Charlie Brown” or “The Polar Express” and rekindle the flame of Christmas cheer that “Red One” is trying so hard to eradicate under a sea of ​​money and bad decisions.

“Red One” joins films like “Madame Web” and “Megalopolis” at the top of the list of naughty films of 2024.

Rating: 1/5