DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, my immigrant grandparents brought back hand-knitted sweaters from Ireland, their country of birth, for everyone in our family. I cherish mine and take care of it, even though I have outgrown it.

Years later, a close friend asked to borrow this sweater for her neighbor’s child, who needed “something Irish” for a school demonstration. Children were invited to bring items related to Ireland. When I refused to lend my old sweater, my friend told me that she had already promised her neighbor that she could borrow it. She got very angry, accused me of being selfish and hasn’t spoken to me for a few months.

We live in the same city, so I meet her sometimes. She is cordial but distant and clearly still angry with me. Keep in mind that I barely know my friend’s neighbor, the one who wanted to borrow my sweater for her child. But even if I did, I wouldn’t lend this inheritance to anyone. Was I wrong? — SENTIMENTAL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: You were neither selfish nor wrong! Your “friend” was irrelevant. She should never have promised anyone the use of property that did not belong to her. And for her to now freeze you for refusing to give it to her and risking something so precious to you getting damaged is very nerve-wracking. My advice is to follow his example. Be cordial but distant and don’t allow him to make you the bad guy for saying no.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.