We all struggle with people in our lives ignoring our bordersthen we ask ourselves how we can maintain our boundaries moving forward and stay focused and connected to our healing and growth while living with hurt feelings.

As human beings, we are social animals. We thrive on our social networks throughout our lives. Together we learn and grow. We define who we are, what we want, how we treat others, and how we want to be treated. Sometimes we find it necessary to create healthy boundaries between ourselves and the people around us.

Healthy staff borders works in the same way as a well-built and maintained fence. Although most of us are familiar with the phrase “Good fences make good neighbors,” few are aware of its origin in a 1914 Robert Frost poem titled “Fix the wall.” In this poem, the author examines the often tense interpersonal dynamics of two neighbors who learn a lot about boundaries through their evolving desire to engage and challenge each other while trying to respect each other’s property.

When we set out to establish healthy boundaries with the people around us, what we are essentially doing is correcting unhealthy patterns of behavior. excessive dependence in relationships and other problematic habits that we have identified that no longer serve us and focusing on our self-care and well-being.

Although we do not intend to upset our friends or family members by appearing distant or uncaring, nor do we wish to be seen as unprofessional or irresponsible by our coworkers and supervisors when we suffer from stress, burnoutand feelings of overwhelm due to the lack of boundaries, we often encounter resistance to our new rules.

The purpose of the new rules

When we create healthy boundaries for ourselves, we are essentially rewriting our rules of engagement. These new rules define our limits and protect us from unhealthy and unwelcome intrusions, demands and expectations. They also allow us to build with mutual respect relationships and manage our limited resources of time and energy.

Define and defend your boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries takes a lot of introspection and effort. Then, once we have set our boundaries, we need to communicate them to the people around us. While it may be reasonable to assume that once we set and communicate our boundaries to the people around us that everything will be fine, the reality is that what follows can be a time of great challenge and effort.

Especially when we have set limits to meet the long-term negative impacts of people-pleasing and prioritizing the needs of our friends, family members, and workplaces over our personal care, life tasks, and responsibilities, it is unlikely that our news rules remain undisputed. There are, of course, times when it is reasonable to ignore our boundaries and say yes to a colleague or supervisor facing a looming deadline, a friend in crisis, or a family member who needs our help .

Managing resistance to change

When you establish healthy boundaries that change long-standing dynamics with friends, family, and coworkers, some people will likely have difficulty understanding or accepting the changes. There may also be people in your life who question your new rules for a multitude of reasons. Some may not take your efforts seriously. Others, especially those who may lose some or all of the benefits of your time, attentionand energy – may find adapting to your limitations impractical and troublesome.

You may find that those who benefited from your former lack of boundaries often attempt to challenge your boundaries by engaging in manipulative tactics that seek to appeal to your compassion, concern, and sense of purpose. responsibilities, and blurring the boundaries you have drawn around your time. and energy.

The Dos and Don’ts of Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

Your healthy boundaries belong to you and you alone. It’s up to you to stand your ground and remain committed to defending your boundaries against the people in your life who are having trouble accepting your new rules of engagement.

Do not personalize the actions, reactions and choices of others: Some people around you may have difficulty understanding your new rules. Their reactions reflect their struggles rather than your efforts to make changes for your betterment.

Don’t give in to guilt: Guilt is a warning sign emotion. When you feel guilty for holding on, it’s a sign that someone wants something from you that you aren’t comfortable giving.

Stay aligned and committed to your highest level: Remember why you set healthy boundaries and how those boundaries helped you reduce stress, create healthier relationships, and manage your time and energy.

Pay attention to those who challenge your limits: Chances are, people who question or ignore your boundaries played a significant role in your decision to create boundaries. Be prepared to be pushed back.

Have compassion for yourself and others as you adjust to your new rules. Change takes time. Stay connected to your feelings and be patient with those in your life who challenge and resist your new boundaries.