Life has a way of sending certain people to teach us lessons that we may not know we need. They often arrive without explanation and disrupt the carefully organized reality we have constructed. At first they may seem like disruptions or burdens, but upon closer inspection we realize that they are a much-needed breath of inspiration.

In conversation about Andrea Miller Podcast OpenMiller defined the “uninvited Buddha” as people in our lives who can challenge us and push our buttons – without even realizing it. Andrea admitted that rather than feeling victimized by these uninvited Buddhas, she and her co-host decided to share some of these scenarios and how she grew from them.

Six uninvited Buddhas who are actually a sign of something much deeper.

1. A friend who is willing to tell you what you’re doing wrong (when it’s good for you).

Speaking from a personal experience that happened years ago, co-host Joanna Schröder remembers attending one of her son’s middle school basketball games. During this game, Schroeder saw an older child shoving one of the smaller children quite hard, and while she confronted the older child’s mother about her child’s behavior and the situation eventually resolved , Schroeder went home and wrote a Facebook post about the debacle, leaving out names and personal information.

“It was so abhorrent because I talked about how this ran in the family and I just didn’t think about it compassionately,” Schroeder recalled. After receiving a comment from a friend asking her to make the post public rather than private, Schroeder did just that, but faced even more backlash from her friends. It wasn’t until one of Schroeder’s friends sent her a blunt text saying she “looked like a bully” that she realized the truth. She behaved like a bully.

“In that moment, I had the choice to continue to be a victim of my own drama, and I was like, ‘No, she’s right,'” she continued. “It was like something in me changed and I was able to say, ‘I need to figure out who I want to be in this world.’

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2. Someone who refuses to leave you alone.

Speaking about this mother that Schroeder had written about on Facebook, Schroeder admitted that she ended up emailing her to apologize for things that had been said and that she had talked about her behind her back. However, Schroeder explained that she did not apologize for the Facebook post or admit that it was a mistake to post it in the first place.

The other mother refused to accept this initial apology, and it wasn’t until years later, when Schroeder ran into her again, that she was able to offer a genuine apology. Schroeder realized his mistake and luckily the other mom was willing to accept the second apology and move on, but the lesson was clear as day.

If you act maliciously or hurtfully toward someone, that person doesn’t have to accept your apology, especially if it isn’t sincere enough. Although it may seem like a kick in the teeth, only by starting something like this can we learn to grow and not only realize our mistakes, but also become better people.

3. Someone who shames you for no good reason

While it’s easy to fire someone who treats you badly, Andrea Miller shared a story on the podcast about a time when it was hard for her to let go. Miller was trying to help a casual friend whose son knows one of her sons from school, and instead of responding with gratitude or even a simple joke, this person decided to criticize her and seemingly put her in the spotlight. ’embarrassment.

At first it worked. Miller shared that she felt terrible when she read his response. After some thought, she realized that she didn’t have to buy into what he was implying about her. As the feeling of shame began to dissipate, she could see that he had clearly crossed the line. As an uninvited Buddha, he had taught him a lesson: you don’t always have to go along with what someone else says you do – and his reactions are often more about him than you.

4. That person who is always late and can’t change their habits.

Although this example was not mentioned in the podcast, it is a simple example that most of us can relate to.

We all have a person (or maybe several) who is constantly late. You may have even gotten to the point where you have to lie about the meeting time because you already know they’ll arrive 30 minutes late with half-apologies and they don’t have the intend to change their habits anytime soon.

These people are beyond frustrating because their tardiness often disrupts a carefully planned schedule. It might even remind you of your childhood and the times when your parents were late to pick you up, and the shame that surrounded that because you were the only kid waiting in the parking lot. However, having someone in your life who is constantly late can help you deal with this shame, and perhaps realize that being late can help you realize that we do not have control over our deadlines, no matter how much we want it.

Their behavior might also help you reevaluate the expectations you have of people and how often we can put people on these pedestals and then get agitated every time they don’t reach them.

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5. Someone who constantly brings you up in conversations.

As someone who tends to be a bit introverted and shy in conversations with people, especially if it’s in a group where I don’t know anyone, it happens quite often that I’m spoken to and spoken to sometimes ignores. A frustrating and infuriating event, I often tend to overlook how it can help me work on my confidence and set boundaries.

Having someone in your life who doesn’t realize it or doesn’t think it matters when speaking for you in conversations can make you work harder to make sure you’re heard in a room which may not leave any space. for you first and foremost.

6. That person who decided to randomly ghost you.

Whether it’s a friend or someone you’ve dated romantically, being ghosted can feel extremely personal and feel like a rejection, which in some ways it is. While it’s easy to simply focus on their absence and internalize their behavior as if there’s something wrong with you, their actions can actually be the perfect opportunity to practice their self-esteem and realize that there’s a reason they’re not meant to be in your life.

A painful experience nonetheless, the lessons it can provide can help you refine what you want in a friend or romantic partner, as well as the qualities you don’t want. It challenges you to refuse to have someone in your life who may not match your values ​​and, honestly, it can help you start prioritizing and appreciating the people in your life who actually show up and show up for you more consistently.

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work focuses on today’s issues and experiences.