How do you fall in love? That was the question I wanted to answer. As a biologist, I understand what happens to the brain when you fall in love. It is the increase or decrease in certain neurotransmitters that gives you that euphoric feeling of love that is incomparable. But how to get there? What are the causes a person who falls in love and not another?

While thinking about this question, I had the opportunity to explore it with my cousin, who has a PhD in biochemistry. During our discussion, my then 95-year-old grandmother interrupted me to say: “You young people I don’t know anything about love“. She was right. That’s why we were having this discussion.

She then said: “In my time, a girl knew that if she wanted a man to fall in love, she couldn’t sleep with him right away. She will fall in love, but a boy doesn’t fall in love that way. »

I had heard this logic before, like the three date rule or the 90 day rule in Steve Harvey’s book. Act like a lady, think like a man. These rules suggest waiting a certain amount of time before starting an intimate relationship. But I didn’t think there was any science to support this idea. So I decided to find out first how we fell in love and then whether my grandmother was right.

Researchers at Emory University decided to study the process using a unique creature, the monogamous prairie vole, and what they discovered helped us understand how people fall in love.

Emma Bauso / Pexels

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Research has found that the process is different for men and women. In human terms, men and women fall in love very differently.

What the researchers discovered was that certain types of neurotransmitters must increase to reach the neurological tipping point of falling in love. The importance of dopamine and oxytocin levels for women, and dopamine, testosterone and vasopressin for men. But, more importantly, how do they increase in each of us, and how does our behavior affect this increase?

According to additional research from Harvard UniversityWhen we “fall in love,” our body has a physical reaction. Chemicals associated with the reward circuit flood our brains, producing a variety of physical and emotional responses, such as racing heart, sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, feelings of passion and anxiety.

So while adding a scientific explanation to love might make it less romantic, it seems that my grandmother’s wisdom stands up to scientific scrutiny after all.

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Dawn Maslar-BiggieMS, is an award-winning author, assistant professor of biology, and founder of Biggie Bioscience. His work has been featured on South Florida Today, TEDxEd and NPR.