Ray will soon be moving to another state and his job will end in about three weeks. Virginia is seriously considering going with him and has also discussed marriage. His mother and I are divorced because of his mother’s infidelity, but we agree in advising her not to stay with him. Even if he took responsibility for it, cheating is destructive in any serious relationship.

I’ve gone back and forth with Virginia via email, but sometimes she stops communicating. I wasn’t harsh, but I asked him why Ray would keep the other woman’s number unless he wanted to stay in contact with her.

Can you think of anything else a concerned father could do to improve the situation? Obviously, Virginie can ignore her parents’ advice and do whatever she wants. I also wonder what I can say to Ray the next time I see him. I neither want to let him pass nor condemn him as a monster. — STRONG DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAD: Talk with your daughter, face to face if possible. Tell her that as an adult she can do whatever she wants, but as a caring parent you cannot stay silent. Remind her that Ray SAVED THE OTHER WOMAN’S NUMBER, which means he plans to contact her at some point. Explain that, to you, this means that he is less committed to your daughter than he should be.

As for what you might say to Virginia’s boyfriend, tell him that you are disgusted by his selfishness and dishonesty and that he doesn’t deserve your daughter. If you have any other thoughts on the topic that you would like to share, please share them.

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DEAR ABBY: What would you say about a man who treated his wife’s siblings to an all-expenses-paid trip to Paris, knowing that his wife could not consider taking such a trip due to mobility issues?

Full disclosure: Husband and wife have been to Paris in the past (when wife’s health was good), but husband feels the need to go back and has no one else to accompany him. His wife will be left alone at home and will fend for herself. Somehow this whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Please set me straight. — HOME IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HOMEBODY: People with physical disabilities travel abroad all the time. If the husband has the money to take his wife’s siblings on an all-expenses paid trip to Paris, surely he could afford to take his wife AND A CAREGiver with him on this trip down memory lane. This way she would be taken care of and still be able to enjoy the trip to the extent that she is able. No one suggested it except me?

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and relationships with peers and parents can be found in “What Every Teenager Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, along with a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.)

(EDITORS: If you have editorial questions, please contact Clint Hooker, [email protected].)

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