So, a Republican won an election, and you know what that means. Jimmy Carter must remain alive for another four years. It is also time for liberals to tell themselves that they are always right about everything and that their hysteria and delusions of persecution are completely normal.

Yet right now, they’re melting like that stick of butter Joy Behar keeps between her thighs to avoid friction. For example, last night all the other late night hosts threw a tantrum. It is too bad Tim Walz is still grieving or he could send them all a bag of industrial grade tampons. Poor Jimmy. Certainly, it was a terrible night for the women, children and hundreds of thousands of hard-working immigrants who mowed his lawn.

BIDEN CONGRATULATES Trump, promises ‘peaceful and orderly’ transfer of power

JIMMY KIMMEL: It was a terrible night for women, for children, for the hundreds of thousands of hard-working immigrants who keep this country going. For health care, for our climate, for science, for journalism, for justice, for freedom of expression. It was a terrible night for the poor, for the middle class, for seniors who depend on Social Security. For our allies in Ukrainefor NATO, for the truth. And democracy and decency. And it was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him. And guess what? It was also a bad night for everyone who voted for him. You just don’t realize it yet.

You know what? If I ever cry on TV, it will be because Maroon 5 released a new song. But that’s it, you stupid bastard. Now, remember when Johnny Carson cried like a baby after Ronald Reagan was elected? Yeah, me neither. And you know why he didn’t do it? Because his wife didn’t keep his balls in Tupperware next to a box of tofu burgers. But the killer sentence was at the end when Kimmel said“You just don’t realize it.” Because you see, he is smarter than you and he needs you to know it. And his ego can’t stand the fact that there is someone more famous and more influential than him. I have news for you, Kimmel. Last time you counted, Bruce Jenner still had a penis.

I love you, Bruce.

Caitlyn Jenner arrives at the 2016 Vanity Fair Oscar Party hosted by Graydon Carter at the Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on February 28, 2016 in Beverly Hills, California. (John Shearer/Getty Images)

Jimmy’s career peaked with busty girls on trampolines. Now the only breast we see is him. He previously co-hosted the show Man. Now he’s sobbing like he just watched Steel Magnolias three days into his menstrual cycle. Here’s another sullen multi-millionaire.

STEPHEN COLBERT: Hi. How are you doing? If you watch the show regularly, I’m guessing you’re not doing very well. Yeah, me neither.

Are you not doing very well? You are extremely rich and completely immune to the bullshit you throw at others. By the way, I’m actually It’s okay, Stephen. Other than the 48 hour erection I’ve had since they called Pennsylvania, I don’t feel any pain, bro.

But, Stephen, have you just tried to get over yourself? You’ve been bashing Trump for eight years, and all you’ve done is help him return to power. After being wrong about something day and night for eight years, you might consider trying something new, like, I don’t know, comedy. But at least Seth Meyers reveals the source of his anxiety: relevance. Trump has it. He doesn’t do it.

SETH MEYERS: We live in an infinite time dimension where Donald Trump has always been and always will be the center of the universe. There can be no escape. Let us all salute our powerful and benevolent supreme leader.

Hmmm, or how about you just do your stupid little comedy show and stop acting like you’re trying to save the world, but we’re too ungrateful to listen to your genius. NBC’s late-night show was once wacky entertainment until Seth turns it in one hour with your gay therapist. So these guys are suffering from deep mental pain. And it’s not just them. Journalists now offer tips to deal with their disappointment, their frustration, even their fear. And I understand. This is normal after any loss.

FOX NEWS VOTERS ANALYSIS: HOW TRUMP RETURNED THE WHITE HOUSE

I’m still angry that I lost Sexiest Man Alive to Johnny Depp. But why would people be afraid? Maybe because they are just news sources constantly telling them that Trump is going to turn America into Nazi Germany. But do you know who actually felt the fear under the Biden administration? People who had to take the subway or go to the grocery store or anyone who wants to fuck a girl who has no testicles. That’s a lot of people. But now, even Kamala admits everything will be fine. This is for Trump being Hitler. Turns out she was lying the whole time. They all were.

Still, CBS gave some practical advice for coping with loss. CNN recommends taking deep breaths and taking long walks. And please don’t suppress your emotions. Usually when they cry this much, they share an elevator with Brian Stelter on Taco Tuesday. So the media offers you solutions to the problems they have caused.

After all, who generated all the anxiety by promising the apocalypse if Trump won? They did it. It’s like climate hysteria. They banged the drum enough and then the kids were faced with climate stress.

Look at Kimmel and Colbert, they are fucking wrecks because they believe the media. And yet we are fine because we have not been brainwashed. We know media work it is lying to create anxiety disproportionate to the actual threat or lack of threat at all.

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Journalists really only have one piece of advice for you to deal with stress: stop paying attention to journalists. Maybe these late-night losers will stop thinking the world is coming to an end because we know that under Trump, it’s actually just the beginning.