Emotional intelligence (EI) gets a lot of attention, but let’s be real: just because someone has the corner office doesn’t mean they’ve mastered it. In fact, Travis Bradberry, co-author of Emotional intelligence 2.0analyzed data from over a million people and discovered a surprising trend: the higher a person’s position in an organization, the lower their EI tends to be. Yes, even CEOs. Why then? As people move up in rank, their roles become more complex and they begin to rely on cognitive skills, leaving behind these softer, people-centered abilities. Plus, when you’re the boss, people tend to tell you what they think you want to hear, not what you need to know.

So, what do you do if your boss doesn’t have a good handle on unemployment insurance? How can you encourage more empathy, self-awareness and effective communication from them, without risking your own career? Based on insights from my interviews with top experts, here are some smart strategies for subtly creating a more emotionally intelligent workplace, even if you’re not the one in charge.

Start with Empathy: Understand the Pressures Leaders Face

When I sat down with Daniel Golemanthe man who brought emotional intelligence into the mainstream, he was quick to point out that empathy isn’t just about being attuned to the feelings of others. It’s also about recognizing the pressures they are under. Leaders often have to juggle a million things: high-stakes decisions, constant deadlines, and demands coming from every direction. With so much going on, it’s no surprise that they miss some of the emotional cues around them.

Instead of rushing to blame them for not addressing the team’s concerns, try a gentler approach. You could say something like, “I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, but I think discussing some of these team issues might help us all move forward more easily.” » This acknowledges their stress, while gently guiding them toward a more emotionally aware conversation. Sure, some bosses pride themselves on being tough, but if they’re just overwhelmed by stress, this can be a good way to start changing their tune.

Practice labeling emotions without confrontation

Sometimes the problem isn’t just your boss’s lack of emotional intelligence, but also how we interpret their behavior. During my interview with Chris Voss, former FBI negotiator and author of Never split the differencehe shared a technique called “labeling” that I found particularly helpful. Instead of confronting someone directly, you identify and name the emotion you are feeling. This can diffuse tension and move your boss toward empathy without making them defensive.

For example, if your boss seems visibly frustrated during a meeting, you might say, “It seems like this situation is causing stress.” How can we work together to mitigate it? By gently labeling the emotion, you acknowledge how they feel without judgment, which can open the door to a more productive conversation. It’s subtle, but it works.

Encourage open-ended questions at work

When I spoke with organizational psychologist Dr. Tasha Eurich, she pointed out that self-awareness is often the missing link to emotional intelligence. According to his research, leaders who ask more open questions about their team’s experiences tend to develop greater self-awareness. For what? Because they get real feedback on the impact of their actions on others.

If you want to encourage your boss to be more self-aware, consider suggesting he start meetings with questions like: “What do you think about the progress we’re making?” or “What can we do differently to improve our workflow?” These questions encourage open dialogue and make it easier for team members to share their thoughts, which can lead to greater self-awareness for everyone involved, including your boss.

Know when to take a step back when communicating: subtlety is key

Sometimes it’s better to let things breathe. Paul Ekmanwho I interviewed about his work on micro-expressions, spoke about the importance of observing rather than pushing. He is the inspiration for the television show Lie to mewhich focused on reading subtle emotional cues. He says if someone isn’t ready to open up emotionally, pushing them can backfire. This is especially true when you’re trying to get your boss to improve EI.

Knowing when to step back is just as important as knowing when to speak up. If you notice that your boss isn’t responding well to a suggestion, it might be time to drop it and come back to the topic later. Sometimes giving them space to process feedback on their own terms can lead to better results than forcing a conversation.

Conclusion: learning subtle cues

Encouraging emotional intelligence in your boss without overdoing it requires a delicate balance. My conversations with experts have taught me that creating an environment in which EI can thrive does not happen overnight. But small, consistent actions can make a big difference. By demonstrating empathy, active listening, and thoughtful questioning, you can gently encourage your boss to adopt more emotionally intelligent behaviors, which benefits the entire team.