DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early thirties; my husband is 46 years old. We have been married for three years. He has a 24-year-old daughter, “Kiki”. Kiki has always been spoiled and served; she learned to lie and manipulate during her childhood.

I tried to help her because I believed her family when they said she was trying to get her life together. Kiki has a DUI and was evicted when her parents asked her to pay her own rent, rather than having them pay. They give her cars, but she destroys them then leaves them on the side of the road.

We have a 3 week old baby and a mortgage. I don’t think his daughter should always be in our budget, but my husband can’t refuse to give her money. Kiki is a liar and a habitual user. She can’t pay for gas because she buys weed and alcohol instead, convinced that everyone will pay when her utilities are cut off.

I don’t think it’s fair for us to pay for her. Is 24 young enough to still need this much help? My husband is very defensive.

— USED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR USED: Given this young woman’s troubled history, your husband made a serious mistake in encouraging his dependence on her. Independence is something she may have to learn gradually. Your husband should sit down with Kiki and explain that he loves her, but that she now needs to find work to support herself and that he will help her – for a set period of time – as she grows. she adapts to assuming her responsibilities.

If he continues to pay his rent, there should be a firm threshold. No more cars, because it represents a danger on the road. She can use public transportation. And if there are other problems due to his drug addiction, all bets will be off. Now is the time to draw the line.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m in an online group with neighbors, but I haven’t been able to get out and meet new members in person. Someone signs their messages in a language I don’t recognize, and I was wondering if there is a polite way to ask them how to pronounce their name and what language it is. It doesn’t seem possible to broach the subject without sounding negative.

Also, when I hear people in my local store speaking another language, I get curious because I’m almost fluent in three languages ​​and want to learn more, but again, what’s a polite way to ask?

— WONDER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR YOU ASK: If you have any concerns about asking your neighbors how to pronounce their name and what language it is in, don’t do it online. Ask another neighbor or wait until you can meet the person in person.

When you’re out and about and you hear a language you don’t recognize, smile at people, say you speak three languages, like theirs, and ask what it is because maybe you’d like to learn it. If the question is asked in a friendly manner, most people will respond along the same lines. (I did this in a supermarket recently. The answer was that they were from Indonesia and spoke Malay.)