Sexually transmitted infections among older people, including those living in care homes, have reached an all-time high in recent years, suggesting that there is much more sex happening in these settings than is commonly believed. ‘wait.

A 2020 article even revealed that “access to sex workers occurs in RACFs (Residential Aged Care Facilities) in New Zealand, if not in all facilities, at least in a number of them across the country…”

Unsurprisingly, there are some differences in how this demographic accesses sex workers.

A man said he found a sex worker through a newspaper ad. Although he thought her $80 fee was “too high,” he added, “she was more fun than anything.” I was laughing all the time.”

Whether they pay for it or not, these researchers emphasize the importance of sexual freedom for older people, particularly to combat the loneliness that can be rife within this group.

With one in four New Zealanders saying their physical health affects their sex life, it’s safe to assume this challenge is even greater in care homes. We can only imagine how much more sex these older people would have if their health didn’t hold them back.

How do people over 50 compare?

Over-50s using dating apps are giving younger users a run for their money with their sex positivity.

App users in this age group are just as likely as younger users to be on these platforms purely for hookups, and their adventurous side isn’t limited to penetrative sex.

A New Zealand study found they are significantly more likely to send “intimate photos” than those under 30. They are also much less likely to use protection like condoms or be pressured to commit sexual activity they don’t want to do.

More interestingly, they also rate the sex they have much higher than younger users, showing that for some, sex might just get better with age.

However, this does not reflect the experiences of many married, monogamous couples. For them, the frequency of sex tends to decrease with age, leading to the now popular term “sexless marriage.”

However, this is not true in all areas. For some, the deep bond they’ve formed over years together increases both the quality of the sex they have and its frequency.

How much of a barrier is menopause really?

Unfortunately, menopause and perimenopause are known to dampen intimacy.

This stage of life generally includes reduced arousal, which means there is less blood flow to the genitals which makes sex pleasurable.

It’s also normal to experience a decreased libido, difficulty reaching orgasm, vaginal dryness, and other unfortunate sexual side effects that add to the daily struggles of menopause.

There are quick solutions to some of these problems, like estrogen creams and vaginal rings. But other aspects may take a little more effort, like adjusting to the idea that sex inevitably changes with age – due to the need for more foreplay and lube, for example.

For some, however, menopause is a relief that leads to greater sexual freedom through an end to worries about unwanted pregnancies.

What does this mean to you?

We are constantly told that youth and sex appeal go hand in hand and that aging will inevitably kill the quality and quantity of sex we have.

But as a sex coach, I firmly believe we need to check these assumptions with reality.

It is not a given that our sex life declines with age or with the number of years of marriage. It is not useful for anyone to think that.

This is because we tend to experiment with what we think we are capable of. So if we accept that growing older can mean knowing our bodies better, feeling more connected to others, and perfecting our sexual skills – like learning to have multiple orgasms – we open the door to a sex life that improves with age. time.

However, no matter your age, a fulfilling sex life takes work. This may involve taking advantage of the availability of Viagra, finding creative ways to work around physical disabilities, or seeking professional support to create more novelty in decades-long relationships.

Although aging can bring its fair share of challenges, when you prioritize this part of your life, there’s no reason why your best years in bed shouldn’t still be ahead of you.

Sofie Louise is a trained sex and libido coach based in Auckland and passionate about helping women reclaim their sexuality.