Updated: 7 a few minutes ago Published: 7 a few minutes ago

Dear Eric: I have two brothers who recently failed to send my 12 year old daughter a birthday present or even a card. However, my wife and I always send birthday gifts or money and a card to their children, our nieces and nephews.

My daughter made note of not receiving a gift from them last year in a sad way. She loves her aunts, uncles and cousins ​​differently.

One of my brothers just sent a request for a video game birthday gift to his 9 year old son. I’m happy to give my nephew a gift but also a little annoyed that it’s not reciprocated. Welcome your advice.

– No gift in return

Dear customer, no gift in return: Send the gift, but have a separate conversation with your brothers about what the gifts mean to your daughter and what the lack of recognition has done to her and how you feel.

Exchanging gifts between niece and nephew doesn’t have to be a tit-for-tat affair, but it’s important for your brothers to know that you don’t feel the kind of family bond you want. Offer to send them reminders or lists of gift requests, if you wish, for your daughter’s sake. This may not be an intentional slight; maybe they’re just not good at keeping track of birthdays.

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Dear Eric: I’m gay and a dad. Recently my 16 year old son’s phone was connected to the car screen and I noticed in a notification that he had changed his phone contact for me from Dad to my real name and that he had changed the my husband’s name as dad. My feelings are hurt. Am I overreacting or should I discuss this with my son? I can’t help but think about what could have happened to cause this change.

– It was dad

Dear Dad: I understand why this hits a nerve for you. Your relationship with your child likely continues to change and develop as he or she approaches adulthood. And I imagine there have been people at different times in your life who have questioned the legitimacy of your family structure. But you know the truth: you are the father of your child and you always will be.

So what’s going on with him? Probably nothing. Maybe it’s funny to him that when his father calls, his full government name appears on the screen. Maybe he’s trying to be more mature and test new nomenclature. Our phones are places where we dump the weird insides of our brains, and it doesn’t always make sense to an outside eye.

I’m curious what he calls you when he talks to you. Are you still “Daddy?” » Or has that changed too? That’s a better measure, I think.

But the best measure of the strength of your relationship is your actual relationship. Try to put the hurt aside; chalk it up to teenage whims. Talk to him casually if you’re nervous that it means something bigger. “I see you changed my name on your phone. A story there? If he gives this classic teenager the answer “Nothing” (or its cousin: a shrug), let it be just that.

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Dear Eric: My brother-in-law is coming to visit me. He likes to drink very high-end alcohol. As a host, how much should I provide? It can easily clean an entire bottle in one night. He is visiting for a week. My husband and I occasionally have a glass of cheap red wine. I struggle to be a good host and blow my grocery budget.

– Abstinent host

Dear host: As a guest, shouldn’t your brother-in-law bring You a refined bottle of your favorite spirit as a thank you, and not the other way around?

At most you can buy one of your favorite bottles, as a sign of hospitality. But guests should not come with contracted passengers. If you don’t have something he wants, he is able to refill the bar himself. Sometimes all you need to do to feel at home while visiting is to ask the host for directions to the liquor store.

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Dear Eric: I read the letter from “Unchanged Channel” about the widowed parent who only wants to watch TV and not socialize. From the perspective of someone who was widowed eight years ago, after 43 years of marriage, I would tell the kids not to worry.

They should know that at every doctor’s appointment we older adults go to, we are asked Medicare-required questions designed to identify depression and binge drinking (even at the dermatologist). Children must ensure that their mother consults a general practitioner at least once a year to monitor her health; this could go a long way to their peace of mind.

– Enjoy life

Dear life: Thank you for emphasizing the importance of maintaining regular medical monitoring with a primary care physician and specialists.