• Michael Johnston was earning six figures in a remote job that he enjoyed when his second child was born.
• He fell in love with being a full-time parent and his wife, a successful editor, was keen to continue working.
• The couple’s move from California to Maine meant they could afford to live on one income.

This essay as told is based on a conversation with Michael Johnston, 41, a stay-at-home dad who lives in Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Johnston’s financial claims were verified with documents. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I graduated from Boston University with a degree in mechanical engineering in 2006. I then found a job in the semiconductor industry. This role allowed me unlimited creative freedom and had crazy big budgets. Life was good.

A few years into this incredible job, things changed. The 2008 recession hit and although I survived the layoffs, everything changed. Money dried up for creative projects, and as a result, I was doing paperwork all day.

After my wife Maddie finished school, we wanted a fresh start. We moved from the coasts to a ranch in California. I found a new role at KLA Corporation, in the manufacturing sector, with much less paperwork.

When my wife told me she was pregnant, I had a stable job with a manageable workload, but I traveled frequently to China, Taiwan, and South Korea. I was grateful for the income when our son Lincoln was born.

The impossible task of parenting in a pandemic

Like many parents, March 2020 was a very difficult time for my family of three. Lincoln was about three years old, and suddenly my world shrank to four walls during lockdown.

Instead of traveling and working in the office, my role involved being on the phone all the time. I had meetings all day and tried to do my actual work in the evening. Calls from all over the world went out late into the night. At times I was working almost 24 hours a day.

Maddie, Lincoln and I tried to maintain a daily family life while pursuing our careers. Now that we were both completely isolated, we bought a beach house in Maine in 2020 and moved from California in 2021. But that wasn’t the only reason we moved closer to home: our second baby was on the way.

Figures on paternity leave

I fully intended to return to work after paternity leave. I was making six figures doing a job I loved – before the pandemic changed – and my team was amazing.

But after 12 weeks off, I fell in love with being a full-time dad. If I got up at 3 a.m., I was comforting a sleepless child, not answering international calls. It was one of the best times we have had as a family.

My wife has a successful career in editorial work and we began to wonder if we could afford to support a family on one salary.

We had spent our early careers getting rid of student debt and credit card debt by moving around. Right before we had kids, we finally paid off our debt, which was difficult even with two incomes.

Moving back to Maine was a major savings opportunity. We streamlined our spending on our mortgage, rental properties, two cars, and everything else it takes to run a family in California. We no longer had to pay for flights home, preschool or daycare.

We researched what life would be like on one income, and my financial projections showed it was doable in Maine.

We walk the kids to school and don’t have a car or expensive trips. We no longer pay for any daycare – a drastic change from California’s incredibly expensive options at around $2,000 for a child. Maine also offers free breakfast and lunch at school.

Deciding who should stay home

Another difficult conversation involved which of us would stay home.

It depended on how we perceived our work. After maternity leave, my wife was delighted to see her colleagues again and return to work. I viewed work as a means to an end. My future was never really tied to where I worked.

I had missed my first child’s younger years so much that I was determined not to repeat that with my second. Professionally, I had used my degree for 17 years and accomplished what I wanted.

A week or two before my leave ended, I set my team up for success and gave my boss my two weeks’ notice.

Settling into life as a full-time father

The first few months were great. We knew we had made the right choice. I walked the kids to school every day and was able to experience small moments that I had previously been too busy to appreciate.

I had misconceptions about stay-at-home parenting. I was thinking about renovating our 1954 Airstream during nap time. Instead, I get up at 5:30, make lunches, have a cup of coffee for 15 minutes in peace, then get everyone ready for school.

Once my oldest is in school, my new mission is potty training. I’m lucky enough to be able to take a shower during nap time. I clean and reset the house for the evening, getting the dishes under control and starting dinner.

My wife and I have always shared the main tasks, with her taking on the mental work of organizing school and social communications and me doing more of the physical tasks. It’s now more official: I manage the school runs and all the household chores.

When others find out I’m a stay-at-home dad, they always ask me, “When are you going back to work?”

Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. If I do, I will have different limits. I spent too much time focused on my work.

We are trained to get a degree, get a good job, stay in that job forever, and then retire at 65. I worked long enough. Now, I know that a job in a company is not an obligatory path. It was a choice. I’m happy to do something different.