My first date with Martha was amazing.

I always knew I didn’t quite fit the mold of what society expected of me. From the age of 12, I didn’t feel like the boys at school.

Our very first date was spent wandering around the local charity shops, where I bought a little necklace that I still have. This progressed to movie dates and picnics.

I don’t remember a specific conversation about it, but I fit in as Vi’s secondary partner. This meant we were in a non-exclusive relationship, with less commitment than Vi’s main partner, Gary*, at the time.

They ended their relationship in February – about two months after I started dating Vi – but then the pandemic hit, so it was quite difficult for us to see each other.

It was only at the end of 2020 that we decided to become main partners. For me, moving from a secondary partner to this simply meant that I was checking in more or being there for Vi in times of need – just like in any other relationship.

The first year we just got to know each other without anyone else, and then Vi was ready to explore other connections. I was a little slower to understand this because I was still getting used to how polyamory worked for me.

But ultimately I decided to download Feeld. Fairly early on, I met Martha around July 2023 and the vibe was great – especially the fact that she was into the kinky scene, as that was something I wanted to explore more.

In fact, I remember a time when we were both raving about our partners – Martha told me she loved the way her husband made his breakfast every morning, while I shared how Violet was bubbly with love when she was happy. It felt surprisingly natural.

We talked like this for three months before leaving for the aforementioned five o’clock coffee date. Things progressed from there and I was delighted when we both agreed to be each other’s secondary partners.

We integrated seamlessly into each other’s lives.

A few weeks after our first date, Vi met Martha and they realized they had a lot in common. They have both worked in healthcare and love fashion and arts and crafts. I’m even friends with Ryan, so he’s been known to come over and help me with DIY projects.

Since then, it has been a happy symbiosis. I don’t live with Vi so we see each other about four or five times a week. We’ll do everyday things like intimacy, watch TV, go to concerts, and go to that local pub where we first met.

Then I’ll see Martha about twice a week. Of course we will spend time in the bedroom – depending on our moods and such! – and relax, chat, take walks, and watch silly YouTube videos.

There’s usually not a lot of crossover between Vi and Martha – especially in the bedroom, as we’ve never had a threesome together. There were times when Vi was in the next room while Martha and I were being intimate, or I was next door when Vi was having someone over. It can be a little difficult to deal with, but we’re all adults at the end of the day.

Besides that, I really enjoy spending time with Vi, Martha and Ryan.

We love watching movies, Sunday dinner, and especially playing video games. One of our favorite activities is playing Monopoly on the Playstation (although Martha can get a little competitive sometimes and I have to playfully sit on her to calm down!).

Navigating polyamory is not without complications, however. Emotions can run high at times, especially when it comes to seeking reassurance between Vi and I. To combat this, we try to talk about anything and everything we feel.

It can be as simple as saying, “I’m feeling a little lousy today, can you say something nice about me please?” Feelings of insecurity and jealousy can also arise at times, which is why check-in is so important to us.

The biggest lesson I learned from this whole experience is that allowing yourself to love someone else does not lessen your love for someone else.

Today, Martha has two other secondary partners, I believe Ryan has one, and Violet also has another partner – as well as two relatively new comet partners (meaning they are in orbit and can come and go).

As for me, I’m not really looking for partners myself anymore. I’m open to a potential new playmate, but I’m really happy with how things are going right now. I would love to move in with Vi soon, which would strengthen our relationship even further.