JK Simmons shares the secrets of her successful marriage.

“Be kind. Be on the nice list,” the 69-year-old actor, married to wife Michelle Schumacher since 1996, told PEOPLE at the New York premiere of his new film. Red Monday, November 11. “And listen. »

While Simmons, who plays Santa in the upcoming Christmas movie, shares that listening is a great foundation for marriage, he admits that he’s still working to improve after all these years.

“None of us do this all the time and it’s still a work in progress for me, but try to listen, try to really listen,” he adds.

Simmons and writer-director Schumacher, 58, have been married since 1996 and share two children: son Joe, 25 years old, and daughter Olivia, 22 years old.

The couple met in 1991 after Schumacher joined the same musical production of Peter Pan as Simmons, where she appeared as a dancer and he played Captain Hook.

“I rented a car. I don’t know where I was going but I was just leaving the parking lot and I saw our dance captain walking with this beautiful, petite blonde,” Simmons told PEOPLE in May about the first time he posed eyes on his future wife in front of a Florida theater.

“I just tried my best not to be the idiot who craned his neck while looking at this beautiful young woman.”

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THE Whiplash The star recalled later visiting Schumacher’s dressing room before a performance to “wish him a good show” – before catching himself in an embarrassing mistake on the way out.

“I knocked and (she said) ‘Come in.’ She was, like most dancers, dressed in her dance underwear,” Simmons said. “I tried to be Mr. Cool and wish him a good show and I turned around and made my gentle exit by mashing my big toe against his dressing room door, squealing like a child 4 years.”

Despite this mistake, Simmons remembers that Schumacher was won over by him. “Somehow she still found me attractive,” he joked.

According to Simmons, Schumacher later revealed to her that she too had a crush on him when they first met in the parking lot.

“Well, much later, Michelle told me she said, ‘Oh, who is that?’ » Simmons shared. “The dance captain said, ‘Oh, it’s JK. He’s straight. This is our Captain Hook. »