Dear Eric: Your response to the young mother whose husband didn’t like her friendships (“Finally have friends”) missed some troubling signs: She might be in an abusive relationship. Abusers often isolate their partner from everyone around them, making her completely dependent on him. This family moved hundreds of miles from their previous home and she doesn’t seem to have a support system among family or friends (it’s her hometown). There is no mention of how, or if sensitive to the problems she had adapting to the changes. Now he tries to keep her away from the friends who seem to be her only lifeline, with comments and actions that don’t seem connected to reality. Having worked for a nonprofit that specializes in combating domestic violence, all of this raises red flags.

– Affected reader

Dear reader: Thank you for raising these concerns. I contacted the letter writer directly when the letter was published, but I want to share a more comprehensive response here for anyone who is seeing similar red flags in their relationship.

Isolation is a characteristic of psychological abuse. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org/800-799-SAFE/texting “START” to 88788), 95% of contacts in 2020 reported being victims of psychological violence.

These are behaviors from a spouse, partner or loved one that are aimed at controlling, isolating or frightening. Some red flags include name calling, gaslighting (making you question your reality/the truth), monitoring your activities/stalking, threatening suicide during arguments, repeatedly accusing you of cheating, blaming you for their unhealthy behaviors and withholding affection.

This is by no means a complete list. Sometimes the signs of emotional abuse are not immediately apparent, but the Hotline has a comprehensive section that provides more information, examples and options for determining next steps. Readers, please contact us if you or a loved one have any questions or would like to understand your options. You are not alone.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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