DEAR ABBY: I helped a friend by driving her to and from work for two weeks while her car was being repaired. When she got her car back, she told me to let her know if she could ever return the favor by helping me.

Recently my car needed repairs, so I asked if I could cash in the favor for a ride to and from work for a few days. She replied that she could do it for me, but I should know that she had already “repaid the favor (owed to me)” by helping one of her other friends, so she felt she didn’t owe me more favor. .

I also felt like if she drove me to work, I would owe her another favor. I told him to forget what I asked and that I would find another way to get to work.

Is there a rule of etiquette that says you must tell someone that you are “paying a favor” and that you no longer owe them a favor? — GENE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANUÉ: If so, this is the first time I’ve heard of it. The “friend” you describe is what they call a “bean counter” or “score keeper”. This is a person who places an excessive emphasis on controlling things, such as spending, budgets, and in his case, relationships. It’s best to avoid people like that.

DEAR ABBY: I often wonder why men don’t take care of their children like women do. In my life, I have only known one man who changed diapers, took naps and baths, took the children to daycare or school, attended most of the events of the child’s life. the child and was there for the child 24 hours a day. (This is the man I married.)

Most men I know think that all of the above is the woman’s sole responsibility, even if she works full time. I can only assume it dates back to caveman times or life on the prairie. –– VALUED IN INDIANA

DEAR VALUE: Ideally, childcare responsibilities should be shared. You didn’t mention your age, but over the past two decades I’ve been impressed to see fathers proudly carrying their babies in slings or pushing them in strollers. They also take older children to Sunday breakfast, their sporting events as well as professional sporting events.

I don’t know what their home life is like, and neither should you, but they seem very involved in their children’s lives. In decades past, men thought that working long hours to support their family was what they were supposed to do and were therefore less committed than your husband.

DEAR ABBY: A beloved friend and family member has a habit of changing the temperature of food already cooked by other people. Is this considered rude? Is there a polite way to correct the situation? — Disturbed and Disconcerted in BOSTON

DEAR B&B: Maybe it’s time to post a sign on your oven or stove informing visitors (loved or unloved) that you don’t want your appliances tampered with when you’re preparing to entertain. Whoever did this is extremely presumptuous as it could potentially ruin the entire meal.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.