In an episode of The Dave Ramsey Showfinancial expert Dave Ramsey and his daughter Rachel Cruze answered a caller’s question that raised complex issues regarding parental expectations and financial boundaries. The question came from Robert, a parent who had supported his children financially for years, only to find himself facing financial difficulties due to unforeseen circumstances. Despite Robert’s generous support in the past, his adult children refused to help him, citing Ramsey’s own teachings on financial independence to justify their decision.

Ramsey’s response was blunt: “Your children are not obligated to you just because you fed and raised them. » His advice was intended to challenge a common but often unspoken belief: that adult children “owe” their education to their parents. Ramsey argued that expecting reimbursement for parenting is not only unreasonable, but may also place unnecessary emotional strain on both generations.

Ramsey’s view on parental rights

Responding to Robert’s frustration, Ramsey emphasized that raising children is a selfless act that should not create an expectation of financial repayment. “Your children owe you nothing for doing your job as a parent,” he said, strongly refuting the notion of parental entitlement. Ramsey also pointed out that ongoing financial support can sometimes create dependency rather than foster independence.

Financially supporting adult children in their 20s and 30s, Ramsey suggested, can lead to a sense of entitlement. For him, the ultimate goal of parenting should be to raise financially independent individuals, and he encouraged Robert to think about the limits he set – or failed to set – when his children reached adulthood. adulthood. Ramsey argued that allowing financial dependence for too long can lead to resentment, blurred boundaries, and unhealthy expectations.

A debate that is growing: are children responsible for their parents?

While Ramsey advocates strict financial independence, recent research from Research on the bench suggests that many Americans have a different view of family responsibility. According to a survey conducted in April 2023, 66% of Americans believe that adult children should have significant responsibility for caring for their aging parents, whether through direct care or financial support. For example, CNBC reported TV writer Ashley Ray, who was about to buy his dream car when his mother called to tell him the family home was in danger of foreclosure. Ray ended up using the money she had saved for her car to help save her mother’s house, even though it meant sacrificing her own plans.

In Ray’s case, the decision to help his mother financially was complicated by a deep sense of family loyalty. “It was frustrating having to take care of someone who should be taking care of me,” she said. CNBC. Like Ray, many Americans feel the weight of caregiving responsibilities, which often come with financial sacrifices that can impact their long-term plans.

The struggles of the “sandwich generation”

Many Americans today are part of the “sandwich generation,” adults who financially support both their children and their aging parents. According to a recent Political genius survey, 66% of these people report feeling some level of stress balancing their financial obligations for both generations. The struggle to secure their own financial future while supporting family members can lead to difficult trade-offs, often leaving caregivers in financial difficulty.

Financial planner Danielle Miura, who specializes in supporting the sandwich generation, believes in the importance of setting boundaries. “Especially as you get older, it’s not like you have extra years to make up for lost savings,” Miura said. CNBC. She stressed that middle-aged adults, especially those nearing retirement, should prioritize their own financial stability to avoid relying on their children later.

Miura noted that while caregivers often feel obligated to help their aging parents, it’s critical to remember that their children have more time to become financially stable. “If I dip into my savings to take care of my parents and myself, my children can figure that out for themselves,” Miura said, adding that younger generations generally have more time to recover financially.

Set limits to protect your financial future

Ramsey and financial experts like Miura agree that setting clear boundaries is crucial to meeting family financial expectations. Miura advises caregivers to think about a “plan B” when they feel overwhelmed financially. For many, this might mean exploring government support, community resources, or professional financial counseling to help offset the costs of care without compromising personal financial security.

When financial support from family members becomes unavoidable, it is important to establish clear expectations on both sides. For example, helping to pay for a one-time expense may not be a problem, but ongoing financial support can cause even greater strain. As Ramsey suggested, one way to maintain healthy family relationships and avoid financial stress is to view any monetary support as a gift rather than a loan to be repaid.

Ultimately, Ramsey’s position is clear: while family support is admirable, financial responsibility ultimately lies with each individual. By setting boundaries and making long-term financial health a priority, families can maintain their connections without falling into financial dependence or resentment.